Child Of God

ONE difference between the FREE and the CAPTIVE

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I’ve been wanting for a while now to answer a question on here that many of you have asked and that I have pondered on and researched for many years:

Why do some women break free and others don’t? Why can a group of women go through my program, or through 21 days of detox on the forum and some are victorious while others just can’t seem to make it.

Now, there is, of course, no easy answer to this. Some ladies have deep layers of abuse and pain from their past that first need to be revealed and healed by Jesus Himself. Others have a root of bitterness and unforgiveness that prevents them from growing in God or moving forward in any area of their lives. This can only be fixed by a healthy dose of repentance and falling in love with the One who knows how to break the hardest heart and heal the deepest pain.

The question remains though: What if you’ve dealt with your past and you’ve let God into all those hurtful places, but you’re still not free from this devastating bondage of food addiction? What if you are reducing the anxiety surrounding your relationships by refusing to please people and letting go of control and yet… no freedom?

It might be that there is ONE last chain on your foot, the same one that remained on mine for many years: I DIDN’T SHOW UP!

  • I wanted to do great and amazing things for God… but the enemy kept me from showing up for daily quiet time…
  • I wanted to be a runner, an athlete, an instructor… but the enemy kept me from even taking a few daily steps…
  • I wanted to be a great speaker and writer…but the enemy kept me from writing one short post for years…
  • I wanted to be thin (or just decent looking)…yet the enemy kept me from showing up for support and guidance in this area for the longest time…

The enemy might know better than you that if you CAN ONLY be diligent in a few little things, you will reap a great harvest.

So I’m here to tell you that there are no “special” children of God. In the end, there are those who show up and those who don’t. That very confident women you see at Bible Study probably started showing up (with fear and trembling at first) a long time ago. The good looking ladies you see at Curves probably pushed through humiliation at first and started showing up when they weighed much more than they do today. Many free ladies had to push through the fear of applying for that job, going for that interview or writing that first post (that no one commented on I might add) in order to reach for their dreams.

It is not easy to CHANGE so we keep saying “I can’t change”. It’s true, you may not be able to change on your own, BUT YOU CAN SHOW UP, and that’s where the Holy Spirit’s power kicks in and change happens.

  • If you don’t SHOW UP for, what it will initially be, pretty-boring-no-fireworks quiet time with God, YOU MAY MISS THE GOING DEEPER AND FALLING HEAD OVER HILLS IN LOVE WITH THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAL YOU AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.  Just show up, and ask “Lord, here I am, I’ve shown up, the rest is up to you. Please help me!”
  • If you don’t SHOW UP for that snail pace walk, you MAY NEVER RUN THAT MARATHON OR PLAY THAT GAME OF TENNIS THAT YOU’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF! Just show up and while you’re walking cry out to God “Lord, here I am, this is a sacrifice for me, but I’m showing up. Please take me further!”
  • If you don’t SHOW UP for that Bible study, that meeting, or that support group YOU MAY NEVER MAKE THOSE FRIENDS OR GET THAT SUPPORT THAT CAN HELP YOU STAND WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP!!

Please, I want to beg you, do this one thing when all else fails, when life is unbearable and when you are sure that you will never get a grip on your eating: JUST SHOW UP IN GOD’S PRESENCE… JUST SHOW UP AT WEIGHT WATCHERS…JUST SHOW UP AT CHURCH…JUST SHOW UP AT YOUR COUNSELOR…JUST SHOW UP AT THAT BIBLE STUDY YOU DIDN’T FEEL LIKE GOING TO

Be careful not to put God in a box by presenting Him with a “freedom-plan” for your life. Your healing and freedom that God has in mind, might happen in unexpected places or through encouragement and words of wisdom from the most unlikely people.

If this post speaks to you, then please come show up on our Forum, show up for my 12 Week Program, or find a Christian Support group close to where you live and show up…God wants to do a miracle for you, but you have to move with the Holy Spirit and go where he leads you…

I’m showing up with all of you wonderful ladies…when you’re sitting there with your Bible open,  wondering what you’re doing, or walking out in the rain…remember that you’re not alone… I’m somewhere out there, bringing God my sacrifice of consistently showing up, just like you…and waiting, just like you, for His Glory to be revealed in and through my life

Galatians 6:9 (Amplified Bible)

9And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

Love,  Heleen

 

If you want to read more about this topic, please see these earlier posts/articles of mine:

Just Show Up

Take 2 Crucial Steps to Stop Overeating and Bulimia

Here are some resources for you:

NEW: INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING online or in Beaverton Oregon
Call Heleen at (503) 914-2749 or Schedule online: www.LifeSolutions.io

Click on the image below to learn more about the 12 Week Online Program: Women Struggling with Food

Read my story. Click on the image below to download my ebook: God will I ever be free?

Appetite for Freedom WORKBOOK and DVD.
A great resource for small groups or individual use.
Click on the image below to find out more:

The Good and the Bad of being Busy!

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woman writing 8_194x188I must admit, I have a need to stay busy all the time! It’s more than a need actually, for years I have equated busyness with power, prestige and value. Fortunately, God has brought about a lot of change in my value system and way of thinking, and these days I’m ready for a slower pace.

However, moving at a snail’s pace without purpose or direction can cause other problems. Let’s have a look:

The Good:

I’ve written in previous posts about the absolute necessity for someone who struggles with food to find again her buried dreams and desires. Those dreams are given to us by God and it makes each one of us unique and our lives worth living. If we don’t follow our purpose and dreams, we will follow something else, even something destructive. So to get busy with your dreams is a GOOD THING!

If you often find yourself bored, not interested in anything, tired, depressed and without purpose, you might have lost vision and purpose for your life. This is not God’s plan for you.

Living in this hopeless state can cause a person to turn to food again and again. In fact, you might pick up many other idols along the way if you don’t find meaning and purpose in your life. Even good Christians who read their Bibles and pray daily can fall prey to idolatry if they don’t find joy in fulfilling the purpose God has for them on this earth.

The Bad:

Unfortunately anything we devout all of our time, energy, and money to can become an idol instead of bringing fulfillment to our lives.
Take for instance this ministry I have for women who struggle with food. I’ve had this yearning to help other ladies for many years, but I wasn’t sure how it should all play out. I’ve asked God to show me what He wants me to do, and when He opened the doors for me to start a website and an online program I was so excited. I had a new zeal for life. I couldn’t wait to get up in the morning. I was like a kid with a new toy!

This part was great, but the I started overdoing it. I spent way too much time with my new found purpose. I started putting the needs of others in front of time with God and taking care of my own needs. Last year this time I found myself almost at the point of being burnt out. The “bad” side of busyness was knocking at my door.

I was slipping even with my eating, this shook me out of my denial and I cried out to God to show me how to balance these things. What I learned is that to keep busy from morning to night shuts out the voice of God. We fall back into quick prayers, even quick Bible studies, but nothing seems to get to our hearts.

I felt my heart grew cold and numb, a dangerous place for someone who struggles with food. If there is one thing a food addict knows it is this: If you get too busy, you get out of touch with your body, your needs, and your emotions, and then you start binging mindlessly.

Don’t get so busy that you lose touch with your own self .

These days I don’t go online every weekend, on purpose. I stop working at a certain time in the evening to take a bubble bath, on purpose. I go on hikes to the park with my kids, without a cellphone or a book, on purpose.

All these moments in time creates opportunity to meditate on the Word, think about God, figure out what is going on inside of me and hear Him speak to me in ways I could never imagine!

So where are you with all this?

Do you need to get moving, find your purpose, and live the life God planned for you?

or

Do you need to slow down, smell the roses, experience the people around you and feel the gentle touch of God restoring your soul?

If you need help in finding your purpose and dreams please read this post where I’ve provided some tips and resources:
Stop the nonsense, chase your dream!

If you are in need of some rest, do it now, don’t wait for a vacation!
Get out in the sun or the rain, talk to God. Or just sit in your favorite chair and do nothing. Just wait and listen…
You will unfortunately never grow an intimate relationship with God while running a thousand miles per hour. The Holy Spirit will keep calling and drawing you to that quiet, secret place where you can hear the voice of God. He’s been waiting for you, all you have to do is STOP and LISTEN.

Come on, I challenge you today: Do what you have to do.
Life is too short to waste it on an eating disorder or any other addiction. One of the major steps you can take toward healing is to find out if you need to MOVE or STOP. I’m not going to lie to you, IT’S VERY SCARY either way. However, it could be the thing that turns your life around…you can do it girl!

In His Love
Heleen

 

If you are looking for Christian based eating disorder treatment, you will find a bunch of free material and a very affordable 12 Week Program on my website. Here are some resources for you:

 

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EMERGENCY: I have to lose weight fast

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How do you feel when you get an invitation to a friend’s wedding, or to go on vacation with family, or to come out East (or West) for Thanksgiving? Do your stomach turn and your blood pressure rise at the very thought of it? Special occasions can be absolute torture for someone with a food struggle. The worst part;  it happens all the time!

I receive emails of sheer desperation from ladies about this topic more than anything else: “How can I lose weight fast without jeopardizing everything “

The truth: This kind of anxiety is very dangerous. It will most likely make you look for a quick fix and a quick fix is just an accident waiting to happen.

The good news: You can use this “occasion” to start your journey, right now, seriously, by grabbing on to God and asking for help (counseling or prayer) to lay down the food (junk food and addictive foods) that always drag you down.

The bad news: You have to be honest with yourself because it will be ONLY THAT, the start of a journey! Serious weight loss, without any regard for the consequences to your health and body, cannot be your main focus. There are safe meal replacement programs on the market that I have used and that helped me lose weight pretty fast. However, if you only do this for a short time, without a coach or a support group, you are very likely to put the weight that you’ve lost right back on (and some).

I’ m sorry that I have to be so blunt, but I can’t lie to women who have already suffered so much. If you didn’t deal with some of the pain from your past or present relationships, you will most likely reach for the quick fix again. This dangerous method might cause you to lose a few pounds (possibly) but it will not be worth the denial, pain, and turmoil you’ll feel inside. It is this emotional turmoil, caused by fad diets or dangerous methods (purging, diet pills, etc), that makes people pick up lies, denial, unbelief, and pride again. So, in the end, all it does is postpone your healing for a few more years!

So if you are still surfing the web, flipping through magazines and TV channels to find a quick solution to this long term problem, then you probably still carry a lot of “unfinished business”.

I know, because I have so been there. We once went back to South Africa for a vacation and because of some issues I still refused to deal with,  I was right back there, on the internet, looking to lose 60 pounds in one month! This was after I have been totally set free from bulimia! I am happy to report that it was 7 years ago, and it didn’t last long, but ONLY because I came back and dealt with my issues and for the first time 100% meant it when I told God “I now truly believe that ONLY YOU can heal me and that NOTHING and NOBODY else can. I am ready to lay down ALL the lies and start trusting you, one day at a time”

Let me try and help you if you find yourself in this very difficult place of needing to lose weight FAST for some occasion:

FIRST: LET’S LOOK AT THE FACTS

  • You will probably not be able to lose much weight before the special occasion, even if you try your best. All the stress doesn’t help. However, if you’re still a few months away from the occasion you do have time to shed a decent amount of weight on either a meal replacement program WITH A COACH in place or a safe program such as Weight Watchers IF YOU ALSO ATTEND A GROUP for support and accountability. Support will help you move forward after the occasion and make it a long term solution instead of a fad diet.
  • Also, when you get closer to the date,  find something you can wear that is slimming and “good enough’ (lower your expectations of perfection). This will take away some of the stress.
  • If you eat the right portions that are high in nutritional value and you exercise, you will get your metabolism to work for you (against the stress hormones) much more than any fad diet, diet pill, or extreme measure would.
  • A great plus point in starting to follow a program high in nutrition: You will have good hair and skin on top of losing a few pounds, and best of all, PEACE when you need to face the music (or the people)
  • However, if you follow a drastic measure you will have exactly the opposite outcome: No significant weight loss and breakouts that usually goes along with irregular eating and stress. Also, depriving yourself like that can lead to binging, which can cause you to gain weight!

 

There are no short cuts, it takes a journey. However, this occasion can be the beginning of a journey to freedom for you…

Here’s a  prescription for you before the special event:

SIMPLICITY: If you feel like you have too many things to pull off every day it will just add to your anxiety. So make a commitment to yourself and God to just do 3 THINGS:

1. TIME IN THE WORD EVERY DAY, NO MATTER WHAT! Change that time every morning when you usually make plans for the day, and promise yourself that you will not eat sugar and carbs into a time when you are just honest with yourself and God. Tell Him that you can not do it at all, and ask Him to take over. I recommend you get a Bible study that can keep your attention, because you will probably find it extremely hard to focus on anything right now, due to the underlying stress. See my list of Recommended Books and Bible Studies

2. EXERCISE 3-5 DAYS A WEEK, NO MATTER WHAT! Please read last week’s post about Just Showing Up This is so important because it will help you stay on track with your eating and emotional well being. Also, read my other posts on exercise and have a look at the books I recommend to get you motivated. Even very moderate exercise such as slow walking will make the world of a difference in your emotional well being and your ability to resist temptation. Commit to doing this in order for you to stay sane; come rain or sunshine, whether you’ve binged the night before or not, whether you feel good or bad, whether you are depressed and have a lot to do. If you can do it first thing every morning, it will be great (also for burning more calories and having a better day food wise), but even if you have to go to the gym 9 pm at night, just stick to your commitment.

3. As far as food: Sign up for a program that has GREAT SUPPORT AND ACCOUNTABILITY. All the programs that I’ve followed in the past (never mind how healthy and balanced) did not work for long when I was doing it all by myself. The ones that really stuck were the ones high in nutrients and variety, and where I had either the support of a GROUP or a COACH. Please have a look at Week 4 of my program if you need more information on this.

Now, after saying all of this, I have to remind you: There is no condemnation for you in Christ Jesus! God is so thrilled that you set your feet on this journey back to Him where your healing lays. If you fall, He will run to your aid, and if you can not overcome this specific situation due to all the stress and pain you still feel, He will be waiting for you… until you’re ready.

And seriously, there is no condemnation coming from this girl either. I know about the pain and how we each have our own time frame of when we’re ready to surrender. I also know that if everybody else gives up on us, GOD DOES NOT!

If you feel that you can not do anything I’ve said, then please have a look at my program or go for counseling. Talking to a counselor or a pastor who has some knowledge about food struggles can help you find the reason why you so desperately need to lose weight, while you still desperately need the food to “cope”. You might find yourself between a rock and a hard place my friend, and then you really need help.

I pray even now that this upcoming event will be the last straw for every lady who reads this post. I pray that it will be the thing that opens your eyes to the truth, makes you hit rock-bottom, and help you to surrender your food struggle to God, forever…

You are so loved dear sister… the Bible says His eyes are on you!

In His Love
Heleen

More Resources for you NEW: INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING online or in Beaverton Oregon
Call Heleen at (503) 914-2749 or Schedule online: www.LifeSolutions.io

Click on the image below to learn more about the 12 Week Online Program: Women Struggling with Food

Read my story. Click on the image below to download my ebook: God will I ever be free?

Appetite for Freedom WORKBOOK and DVD.
A great resource for small groups or individual use.
Click on the image below to find out more:


The tale of the Crazy Woman!

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I can not believe how different two days can be. It makes me understand and love that verse about God’s mercies being new every morning so much more!

Yesterday was one of that Murphy’s law days for me: You know, everything that could go wrong indeed did go wrong!

By 10am I was ready to run into the mountains like a wild woman, screaming. Okay, fair enough, it was my first day of potty training my little girl and I also had some work to get done, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the day followed suit and by the evening I was ready to pull out my own hair. I did everything a good mother should never do, everything a good wife would not even think about, and everything a child of God is not suppose to do (well not everything, but you get the picture).
My little tree was standing barren in the winter sun without one ounce of fruit on it. The words peace, joy and especially self-control was so far removed from me that I could not fathom their meaning. In the midst of this I received devastating phone calls and news to the extend of my knees buckling under the burden. And so I did what every respectable lady should do: I clenched my jaw, buckled my belt (okay no belt) and I decided that I will show this day a thing or two. Needles to say, by the evening, after a rally with a few rude salespeople at the store and the worst customer service ever, I was ready to admit defeat. This day got the better of me. Some days I have absolutely NO control over anything, and the more I try the worse it becomes. I am after all not in control of my own life, and I am after all not as strong as I think I am. By 10pm I was a sobbing pile of misery.

Did I finally bent my knees and let it go? No off course not! I tried to see if the TV, my husband or a magazine could pull me out of my pit of despair: Yeah, you know it; no such luck!

It was only this morning that I got the message. Everybody was off to school and work and miraculously the little people in my house were still sound asleep. I heard it in the silence, I felt it in my bones: I need living water, I need to stop trying to control something that can not be controlled, I need to let God take over. I didn’t have to do much. I just laid down my weary head on a not-vacuumed carpet and let His mercies sweep over me…

And today? Today is a different day, packed with mercies and laden with fruit, and I’m grateful, because I’m well aware that tomorrow can be another “yesterday”. Then again, I was reminded of His mercies, and I’m not so afraid of tomorrow, because I’m not in control anyway…