Life

Take Good Care of God’s Little Girl

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You might remember my post a while back about my struggles to potty train and pacifier-wean my little girl. People kept telling me to relax, it will happen, and even though I’ve raised three kids before her, I was growing more skeptical as the weeks went by.

However, today I can testify with great joy that it happened…all of it! I can tell that my husband is just as relieved as I am because yesterday he came up behind me and gave me a big ol’ bear hug, saying “Thank you for taking such good care of our little girl”

Of course, this was super nice to hear and made me feel all warm and gooey inside, but it also made me feel strangely sad. I was sad because I felt God asking me ever so gently, in that special moment, if I was also taking good care of His other little girl: Heleen. I had to choke back the tears because I know that I’m not always a good steward of my own body, mind, and spirit.

When a woman just had a baby it’s almost “natural” to forget about her own needs and just focus on the needs of the baby. Most new moms find themselves exhausted and frazzled soon after that little person comes into their lives. However, at some point in time, when our kids are growing up, we realize that it’s time to take care of ourselves again.

Unfortunately, most women with eating disorders stay in that place of self-neglect and even self-abuse. Many times we are people, pleasers and perfectionists. We work our fingers to the bone for others and harm our own bodies in the process. We stay awake when others sleep, starve ourselves when others eat, work when others rest, and worry about things that others don’t even care about. Sadly many of us “treat” ourselves with junk food because we feel that it’s the only good thing we have. It might even be our own distorted way to take care of an otherwise depleted and deprived body.

Upon closer investigation and allowing the Holy Spirit to pinpoint some stuff, I became aware of the huge difference between how I treat my little girl and her mom (me).

I still eat food that I will never dream of giving to my little girl (unhealthy or no vitamins at all)
I watch much more TV than I would allow her to watch (adults don’t need lots of TV either:)
I don’t take naps even when I’m utterly exhausted
I don’t drink enough water
I go to bed way too late
I don’t take the time to play and laugh
I have no patience with myself and mercy for my own mistakes
I sometimes talk rudely to or about myself

Do you take good care of yourself? It doesn’t matter what your age, you are God’s little girl. He loves you with an everlasting love, and His eyes are on you every moment of your life.

Please note that I’m not suggesting you become self-focused and self-centered, goodness knows we have enough of that in our society. Of course, our focus should be on serving God and others. However, you can not be of any use to your children, your friends, and your ministry if you don’t take care of your very basic needs first.

Remember how Jesus called the disciples to get away with Him to eat, to rest, and to pray? There were a lot of sick, needy people around Jesus, but I believe He was showing us, through His own example, that we too should be diligent in taking care of our temporary houses of flesh, so that He can use us for His glory. If you listen closely you will hear the Holy Spirit voice encouraging you, counseling you and guiding you into what to do next that will be best for your whole person. I guess it all again boils down to SURRENDERING EVERY MOMENT OF OUR DAY, and consequently all of our lives,  to God. All it really takes is waiting, listening to His voice, and then, of course, doing what He tells you (obedience)

I encourage you to listen closely today and hear the gentle voice of God whispering…
“Take good care of my little girl”

Another daughter of the King
Heleen

NEW: INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING online or in Beaverton Oregon
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Time to Get Angry!

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Maybe it’s time to get angry. I felt my blood pressure rise and a “holy anger” came over me while reading a few emails of ladies these past weeks. These were emails of pain, bondage, and hopelessness and while my heart was bleeding for each one of these precious women, I was also getting so mad at the enemy.

I’m angry because of a vicious lie Satan has been using for ages to keep us in bondage. It’s the lie of “you can’t possibly come to God in this disgusting state that you are in”

Do you realize how many women are kept in bondage daily because they believe:
“I can only go back to church once I’ve lost some weight”
“I will join that women’s Bible study once I’ve stopped gambling”
“I will talk to a pastor after I’ve ended this relationship”
“I can not pray while I still have these evil thoughts”
“I can not read my Bible while I still yell at my kids”

Ladies, IT’S TIME TO GET MAD AT THE ENEMY!

We don’t have the power to save or change ourselves.  So if the enemy can just get us to believe the lie that we have to fix ourselves before coming to God we are trapped!

I am adding this part about the prodigal son that I’ve posted before because it is so important to hear again.

God is calling you, just as you are. You might be dealing with incredible pain, shame, or anxiety at this very moment. You might have just eaten so much food that you are in physical pain. Maybe you just purged and you feel shame hanging like a cloak around your shoulders. Maybe you are past all these feelings and you just feel a great numbness inside of you…

Seriously, God is waiting for you! He saw everything you did and He is still waiting and calling…

The voices of condemnation, guilt and shame that you hear are not of God but of the enemy who wants to destroy you (John 10:10)

I would like to remind you today of our Father’s heart. The parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son gives us a peek into the heart of our heavenly father. He is looking for you, waiting for you to return to Him. He doesn’t insist that you first clean up your act or that you get rid of your filth before you come to Him. On the contrary, when He sees you taking the first few steps, He will run to you with open arms, welcoming you and showering you with love.

Please don’t try to first get “better” before you come to God. It’s the enemy’s age old trick to keep us in bondage.

It is only in God’s presence that we are cleaned and changed. You can not change yourself, but He has all the power to heal your broken heart and help you change the habits and addictions you’ve picked up to numb the pain. Better yet… He wants to heal the pain you are trying to numb…

Listen to what the Amplified Bible says about the father of the prodigal son:
“So he got up and came to his [own] father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently]” (Luke 15:20)(emphasis mine)

Do you see that the father was moved with pity and tenderness! Our heavenly Father has that same pity and tenderness towards us every time we come to Him, even in our filthy state. This might not be the first time you come to Him, but PLEASE don’t stop coming.

I found freedom from bulimia when I started crying out to God EVERY TIME I was binging or purging. I would cry and tell Him how bad I felt about myself, how ashamed I was, and how I needed Him to help me. He heard, He took pity on me, and drew me close to his heart with tenderness. You are his child too, He has no favorites, He wants to do the same for you!

Just run to Him my dear friend, repent, and accept His forgiveness. Jesus came so you can be free (Isaiah 61)

Your sister in Christ
Heleen

Love is…

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Love is patient, love is kind.


It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.


It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.


Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.


It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Love never fails.


But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


And now these three remain:

faith,

hope

and love.


 

But the greatest of these is LOVE.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 (Today’s New International Version)


Does the above passage make you uncomfortable?
Does it strike you as something you will never be able to do?
I agree, it’s much like the passage in Proverbs 31, it sets a standard that is very hard to come by.
You might come away from this passage with a feeling of hopelessness.
Who can love like this?
We want to love like this, but honestly, even on a good day we might only get as far as being patient and kind.

Actually, the love described in this passage refers to AGAPE love.
We don’t have it, but we need it.
We can’t produce this kind of love, but God can give it to us.
Not only can He help you to love your husband, boyfriend, child, or friend in this way, but even the person who pushes your buttons, and yes, even your enemy.

It’s as simple as asking.
Maybe you will have to ask a few times and keep asking every time you find yourself head on with a certain person, behavior, or offense. But don’t let that keep you from asking.
Go ahead, next time you find yourself all out of love, ASK!
Maybe something like this:
“Lord, I have no love in my heart right now, but I realize how important love is to you. Please give me love in my heart for this person. Your love that overrules my own feelings and offenses”

How do you get a constant flow of this Agape love in your life?
Read John 15 again. According to this passage there is only one way that we can have fruit  (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) in our lives and that is to “abide in the Vine” or “have a close relationship with Jesus”
(my translation)

You have nothing to lose you know… when you love you always win!

Have a wonderful Valentines Day ladies!

There is someone who is in desperate need of your love you know…
It could be romantic love:) or it could be love of a very different kind…

Love,
Heleen

Can you say NO to YOURSELF?

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SAY NOSaying NO to other people remains a pretty challenging endeavor in my life. However, there is something that I find far more difficult: Saying NO to myself!

Our pastor recently encouraged us to focus again on saying NO to our own flesh as we keep reaching for the things God asks of us.

This is a powerful call to action and something any warm blooded Christian would agree to in a heart beat (that is when you’re sitting in the pew and everybody around you also agrees enthusiastically)

Unfortunately the church pew is not where we live out the truth of our conviction.

Soon after the above mentioned “call to action” I found myself head-on with my infamous “flesh” or  “sinful nature”. In those moments, I knew exactly what I had to do but I didn’t want to!

It’s started in my quiet time: I was bringing an old wound before God that had just been ripped open; bitterness and anger came oozing out. I wanted revenge, but He suggested forgiveness. I didn’t want to!

Later that same morning I started thinking about a certain snack. Soon after I found myself holding the particular snack in my hand. I knew I had no business eating it. I clearly heard the Holy Spirit nudging me to simply throw it away…  I didn’t want to!

It was then that the previous day’s sermon came back to me. Here I was, my flesh rising up in all its glory, and the battle was on!

What about you? Can you say NO to YOURSELF?

We are getting pretty good at saying NO to others these days (thanks to the Boundaries books:) and our awareness of the enemy’s schemes are growing as we educate ourselves on resisting and rebuking the enemy.

But what about that little voice inside of us crying out “I don’t want to!”

We live in a society where we all have rights, we all want to rule our own lives, and nobody wants to be bossed by anybody. However, this is not the way God created us; we are either ruled by GOD or by SIN. We have to choose. You can read all about this in Romans 8: 5-15

Let’s face it though, saying NO to yourself without the Holy Spirit’s help is excruciating, and frankly futile. Even if we muster up the courage to resist our flesh in certain areas of our lives, there are always those weak places where our flesh keeps getting the upper hand (hence the low success rate of diets)

So how do you say NO to yourself?
The same way you say NO to the enemy: SURRENDER TO GOD!

Start by being honest with yourself. Stop for one second next time you find yourself at  that crucial place of decision making, and ask yourself this: Why can’t I say NO?

  • That place where you’re either buy a bag of chocolates… or the bag of peaches.
  • That specific moment in time when you either start thinking negative thoughts about a person who hurt you… or reject those thoughts and choose to forgive.
  • That crucial point where you decide to either watch TV till 1:00 am in the morning, knowing very well that it steals your time and it will affect your work and family life the next day… or spend time with God and turn in early.

The answer might very well be … “I don’t want to”

Now you might not be ready to put down the remote or the expensive purchase yet, but at least stop and cry out to God IN THAT MOMENT.
Try this prayer “God I’m honest with you: I don’t want to let go of this thing. I know it’s harmful to me. I know it breaks every promise I’ve made to myself,  but still…I don’t want to. Please change my heart. Take away the desires that is not of you. Help me grow in you and make time for you so that my desires will start to change, so that I will start to want YOU above all else!”

It’s not an easy prayer and it will take a brave woman like yourself to pray it, but I believe you can do it!

Please know that you’re not a horrible person if you can’t say NO just yet. It takes time. It’s like a muscle that you have to keep flexing, a little more every day, until it becomes strong. I have to DAILY starve that “I don’t want to” voice in me and flex my NO-muscle so that my spirit can grow and  I can desire God above all else.

It comes as no surprise that it all starts in the mind! If you can say NO to the thought before it turns into action, you have won the fight! Start by saying NO to only one sinful thought today, then two tomorrow… and before you know it you are setting your mind on God ALL THE TIME!
Romans 8: 5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

I love how Beth Moore puts it when she refers to David’s sin with Bathsheba in her study A heart like His:
” The gap between wanting and getting is where we must flex the muscle of self-control to protect ourselves. David had risen to a position where his every wish was someone else’s command. He had ceased to hear a very important word – one without which integrity cannot be maintained . The word is NO.”
(emphasis mine)

My dear friend, may we learn to say NO to others when it’s appropriate, and may we say NO to the enemy when he  tempts us, but most of all MAY WE LEARN TO SAY NO TO OUR OWN FLESH ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES, so we can become strong in spirit and follow in the footsteps of the mighty women of old.

I love you ladies,
Heleen

A Christmas Miracle for You…

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IMGP1252 - Copy-1_115x250A little Christmas miracle came my way! My 3 year old daughter had her first Christmas “performance” but during the dress rehearsal  she refused to be an angel or go on stage. I was certain that we had to wait another year. However on Sunday morning when it was show-time, she was up there with the dress, the wings, the smile, and even a few hand motions. Don’t you just love these moments? Tokens of God’s love for sure…

I do realize that this little miracle of mine might seem tiny in comparison to the huge miracle you need from God in your life right now. So let’s talk about it for a second:

What’s going on in your life?
Do you need a miracle of healing in your body?
Do you need God to perform a miracle in your marriage or your finances?
How about a miracle of deliverance from food, alcohol, pornography or drugs?
Maybe you’re stuck in a “prettier addiction” such as shopping, TV, internet or gossip.

Let me say this: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, OUR GOD IS BIGGER!!!
God is calling you, just as you are. You might be dealing with incredible pain, shame, or anxiety at this very moment. You might have just eaten so much food that you are in physical pain. Maybe you just purged and you feel shame hanging like a cloak around your shoulders. Maybe you are past all these feelings and you just feel a great numbness inside of you…

Seriously, God is waiting for you! He saw everything you did and He is still waiting and calling…

The voices of condemnation, guilt and shame that you hear are not of God but from the enemy who wants to destroy you (John10:10)

I would like to remind you today of our Father’s heart. The parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son gives us a peek into the heart of our heavenly father. He is looking for you, waiting for you to return to Him. He doesn’t insist that you first clean up your act or that you get rid of your filth before you come to Him. On the contrary, when He sees you taking the first few steps, He will run to you with open arms, welcoming you and showering you with love.

Please don’t try to first get “better” before you come to God. It’s the enemy’s age old trick to keep us in bondage.

It is only in God’s presence that we are cleaned and changed. You can not change yourself, but He has all the power to heal your broken heart and help you change the habits and addictions you’ve picked up to numb the pain. Better yet… He wants to heal the pain you are trying to numb…

Listen to what the Amplified Bible says about the father of the prodigal son:
“So he got up and came to his [own] father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently]” (Luke 15:20)(emphasis mine)

Do you see that the father was moved with pity and tenderness! Our heavenly Father has that same pity and tenderness towards us every time we come to Him, even in our filthy state. This might not be the first time you come to Him, but PLEASE don’t stop coming.

I found freedom from bulimia when I started crying out to God EVERY TIME I was binging or purging. I would cry and tell Him how bad I felt about myself, how ashamed I was, and how I needed Him to help me. He heard, He took pity on me, and drew me close to his heart with tenderness. You are his child too, He has no favorites, He wants to do the same for you!

I pray that you will experience a Christmas miracle right from the hand of our Father. He wants to give you the miracle of life in that place of your heart where you now experience only death. The best part, you don’t have to do anything to earn this miracle… simply turn to God…

Just run to Him my dear friend. Jesus came so you can be free (Isaiah 61)

Isaiah 6:9 (NKJV)

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas to all you amazing women of God!
Love, Heleen

PS: If you need additional help during this very difficult time, please download my free ebook “God will I ever be free” or sign up for the first free week of my 12 Week Online Program

One day I’ll be a Beautifull Butterfly…

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40_105I wonder if I’m the only one who tend to quote the caterpillar in A Bug’s Life? “One day I’ll be a beautiful butterfly and then everything will be better”

This attitude is quite human but it’s also a very dangerous way of living. Most people with eating disorders tend to not live in the present.

For people who struggle with food everything good will happen in the future when they lose weight. “As soon as we lose weight we will buy better clothes, go to women’s retreats, reach out to friends, and launch our ministries.” Sounds familiar?

We really find ourselves in a vicious cycle because unfortunately we also disconnect from our bodies and we don’t live in the present with our eating. So we convince ourselves that we are going to start to exercise and eat healthy after Christmas, after our birthday, after this cold spell, or after this stressful situation.

Putting life off like that is in fact putting off living! TODAY IS ALL WE HAVE!
Look at your day today and you have a glimpse of your future… so if you want a different future it has to start today!

Now for the question that might be on your mind: WHAT IF I CAN’T CHANGE?!
This is a valid question. Some of us have become so strangled in our food struggle that we really don’t have the ability to turn today or our future around.

However, there is ONE thing you can change today: How you spend your time.
If you start making time for God, RIGHT NOW, you will discover the driving force behind change.   Permanent change is only possible through the Power of the Holy Spirit. The one thing you can change today is to find a quiet place and pray this simple prayer “Lord I want to love you with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength, but I don’t. Please teach me how to love you in such a way that you will become everything to me”

Then do your part today by getting your hands on a good Bible Study and get in the Word. NOT TOMORROW – TODAY!

One thing I keep repeating to myself, so my ears can hear it and the devil can hear it too: TODAY MATTERS! TODAY I WILL WORSHIP MY GOD! AND TODAY HE WILL HELP ME CHANGE!

Start living in the present dear sister and take back you life!

With love from an ex-caterpillar:)

About Fear, People Pleasing, and more Surrender…

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I didn’t want to share this really. Sometimes I start feeling uneasy about sharing so much of my life. Sometimes I just want to be a little phony again, wear a mask, pretend I’m always doing great. But then I think of every lady out there who has to deal with an eating disorder in the real world, and I drop the mask…

A friend recently shared about going through a period of mourning. She said she felt a deep sadness for her body, and more specifically the fact that no one took care of it and made sure it stayed healthy. At the time I assured her that this type of sadness and mourning over “lost years” and “lost dreams” are normal when you’re breaking free from an eating disorder.

Little did I know that some of that “mourning” was coming my way…

capture22It’s actually related to Thanksgiving so I thought today will be the perfect time to share this.

I recently became aware of the very familiar feeling of “spiraling down”. I still experience this from time to time especially during the holidays. I can go a couple of years with an average weight that leaves me comfortable in my own skin, and more importantly, causes me to have PEACE IN MY SOUL AND SPIRIT. However,  just when I think “Man this is it, I have arrived” something goes wrong…

I’m sure many of you can relate: When you initially experience some real breakthrough in the area of food addiction life is TOTALLY DIFFERENT! You are so excited and so hopeful. You’re eating well, you’re making time for God, you get some exercise and you FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

And then, somehow, someday out of the blue, it all changes and you start slipping and sliding and before you know it you’ve picked up all the weight you’ve lost and you’re right there begging God to help you! You keep telling yourself “This is not possible. I was doing so well. I have to get a grip. I will do better tomorrow” Only to find that day after day and week after week you keep spiraling down…

Fortunately I know by now how to get back up and I don’t stay long in that pit. I know and believe that SURRENDER IS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THE PIT. (Please go read Week 12 of my program again if you need some tools on how to get back up and complete your journey or read this article How to get up when you fall)

However, what I wanted to know is WHY DOES IT STILL HAPPEN? Is it just God’s way of keeping me humble or is there something I’m still missing?

I’ve wanted to trace this back to the source  for quite some time, but I haven’t been able to put my finger on the most important issue. However, this week something happened… I experienced an overwhelming sadness, just like my dear friend. I was crying about all the Thanksgivings and other special occasions when I worked my body into the ground, neglected my time with God, stopped exercising, and did everything in my power to PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE.

It is not just when I have people over to my house but also when I have an important meeting, have to see old friends, or have to go on a trip. I get consumed. I shop, I plan, I think about it all day long and I throw all my consistent efforts out the window.

For the first time this week the Holy Spirit put all these things  in a row for me, to make it impossible to miss the underlying theme: PEOPLE PLEASING. I was so sad… I felt a deep sorrow for how I treated my body during those times. I felt an intense anger for the need to please people that run so deep in me that I would stop taking care of my health, my family and my relationship with God.

I was again reminded of the apostle Paul who told us in no uncertain terms that we can NOT be a servant of God if we’re still trying to please men.

I want to be a servant of God. So many of my dreams and desires are linked with serving God, and I if you think about the things you truly desire (deep under the desire to just be thin at all cost) you will find the same thing. I want to serve HIM with the talents and abilities that He gave me.

However I can’t seem to get away from the ever nagging “What will they think of me?  Will I be good enough? Will I be totally humiliated? Will I be rejected?”

I realized today that it will take some more “praying and guarding” during these times, but also a deliberate effort on my side! So I put my feet up today, drank more water, refused the urge to overeat or “not eat anything so I can look good” and I cleaned only the most important areas in my house.

I plan on reading again Joyce Meyer’s book Approval Addiction this weekend.

I also started praying today for a deeper love for God, the ability to love Him with such an undivided heart that there will be no place for people pleasing.

SO AGAIN IT COMES DOWN TO SURRENDER!! IF I’M TOTALLY HONEST WITH MYSELF I KNOW THAT I AM STILL TOO FEARFUL TO TRULY SURRENDER THIS THING TO GOD. I WANT PEOPLE TO THINK WELL OF ME…

SO THERE, I’VE SAID IT, NOW IT’S YOUR TURN… WHAT DO YOU STILL CLUTCH IN YOUR HAND?
WHAT IS THE THING IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU ARE SIMPLY TOO SCARED TO TURN OVER TO GOD? IT MIGHT BE DIRECTLY RELATED TO YOUR EATING DISORDER…

Please remember this holiday season to purposefully turn away from people pleasing.

IF YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, YOU FORFEIT YOUR SELF CONTROL!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving my friends. Enjoy the good food that God made, but remember to enjoy Him more…

Love, Heleen

 

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Things that Keep coming out of the closet…

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So I’m still busy with the never ending potty training… How did I do it with the other three? I know for sure they were not in diapers at age 3 anymore, and I’m sure it was much easier…or was I just younger…can’t remember…

Well today I did something AGAIN, that I always promise myself I will NEVER do: I used guilt and shame to hurry along the process. I know, shame on me! All the books on children (especially potty training) warns against the use of guilt and shame as a way to motivate, simply because it doesn’t work, in fact it does the opposite…

Now you would think that after all these years and four kids later I would be the wiser, but no, it sort of just “spills out of me” when I reach a certain place. This place usually consist of a well blended mix of exhaustion, frustration, irritation and haywire hormones, add a pinch of prayerlesness and you have my personal recipe for disaster.

So afterward I did what I had to do:  I confessed, made time to rest, made time to pray and tried again.

However, it always bothers me that these things keep coming out of the closet. Guilt and shame keeps popping up, not so much towards my kids as toward myself. I know it’s a useless feeling, and nothing good comes of it, but before I know it, I feel guilty about something I didn’t do or shameful about something I did. Like with my kids, it doesn’t motivate me either, it does the opposite, it makes me turn to food…

The same is true for unforgiveness and temptation actually. Just last week a friend shared with me how she keeps forgiving, like one would keeps resisting temptation, every time the enemy brings up old grudges. This is so true for all of us. It only takes a certain smell, a certain picture or a old song to put me right back into a past place of pain. If I nurture this for a mere second, I can start digging up old ruins, dwell on past offenses or hurts and before you know it: Things I forgave and put behind me, bugs me again!

So I wrote this post, to remind you, and definitely remind myself that the enemy wants to hand us a few “gifts” every day. He stands ready, waiting for a loophole in our armor so he can dish out shame, guilt, unforgivenss, offense and temptation.

We will be wise to keep our armor on, stay close to our Mighty God, and be aware of the enemy’s tactics.

However, if you do have a day where all the odds are stacked against you, as happens quite often in the life of busy women and moms, then remember what my friend pointed out: We can simply choose to forgive that person AGAIN, resist that temptation AGAIN,  and shake off that guilt and shame AGAIN.

And always remember…Today, freedom awaits you AGAIN!

Have a wonderful guilt-and-shame-free week dear sister

Love, Heleen

The Good and the Bad of being Busy!

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woman writing 8_194x188I must admit, I have a need to stay busy all the time! It’s more than a need actually, for years I have equated busyness with power, prestige and value. Fortunately, God has brought about a lot of change in my value system and way of thinking, and these days I’m ready for a slower pace.

However, moving at a snail’s pace without purpose or direction can cause other problems. Let’s have a look:

The Good:

I’ve written in previous posts about the absolute necessity for someone who struggles with food to find again her buried dreams and desires. Those dreams are given to us by God and it makes each one of us unique and our lives worth living. If we don’t follow our purpose and dreams, we will follow something else, even something destructive. So to get busy with your dreams is a GOOD THING!

If you often find yourself bored, not interested in anything, tired, depressed and without purpose, you might have lost vision and purpose for your life. This is not God’s plan for you.

Living in this hopeless state can cause a person to turn to food again and again. In fact, you might pick up many other idols along the way if you don’t find meaning and purpose in your life. Even good Christians who read their Bibles and pray daily can fall prey to idolatry if they don’t find joy in fulfilling the purpose God has for them on this earth.

The Bad:

Unfortunately anything we devout all of our time, energy, and money to can become an idol instead of bringing fulfillment to our lives.
Take for instance this ministry I have for women who struggle with food. I’ve had this yearning to help other ladies for many years, but I wasn’t sure how it should all play out. I’ve asked God to show me what He wants me to do, and when He opened the doors for me to start a website and an online program I was so excited. I had a new zeal for life. I couldn’t wait to get up in the morning. I was like a kid with a new toy!

This part was great, but the I started overdoing it. I spent way too much time with my new found purpose. I started putting the needs of others in front of time with God and taking care of my own needs. Last year this time I found myself almost at the point of being burnt out. The “bad” side of busyness was knocking at my door.

I was slipping even with my eating, this shook me out of my denial and I cried out to God to show me how to balance these things. What I learned is that to keep busy from morning to night shuts out the voice of God. We fall back into quick prayers, even quick Bible studies, but nothing seems to get to our hearts.

I felt my heart grew cold and numb, a dangerous place for someone who struggles with food. If there is one thing a food addict knows it is this: If you get too busy, you get out of touch with your body, your needs, and your emotions, and then you start binging mindlessly.

Don’t get so busy that you lose touch with your own self .

These days I don’t go online every weekend, on purpose. I stop working at a certain time in the evening to take a bubble bath, on purpose. I go on hikes to the park with my kids, without a cellphone or a book, on purpose.

All these moments in time creates opportunity to meditate on the Word, think about God, figure out what is going on inside of me and hear Him speak to me in ways I could never imagine!

So where are you with all this?

Do you need to get moving, find your purpose, and live the life God planned for you?

or

Do you need to slow down, smell the roses, experience the people around you and feel the gentle touch of God restoring your soul?

If you need help in finding your purpose and dreams please read this post where I’ve provided some tips and resources:
Stop the nonsense, chase your dream!

If you are in need of some rest, do it now, don’t wait for a vacation!
Get out in the sun or the rain, talk to God. Or just sit in your favorite chair and do nothing. Just wait and listen…
You will unfortunately never grow an intimate relationship with God while running a thousand miles per hour. The Holy Spirit will keep calling and drawing you to that quiet, secret place where you can hear the voice of God. He’s been waiting for you, all you have to do is STOP and LISTEN.

Come on, I challenge you today: Do what you have to do.
Life is too short to waste it on an eating disorder or any other addiction. One of the major steps you can take toward healing is to find out if you need to MOVE or STOP. I’m not going to lie to you, IT’S VERY SCARY either way. However, it could be the thing that turns your life around…you can do it girl!

In His Love
Heleen

 

If you are looking for Christian based eating disorder treatment, you will find a bunch of free material and a very affordable 12 Week Program on my website. Here are some resources for you:

 

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Need more Self-Control?

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This past weekend I was reminded that self-control and controlling other people can not co-exist in my life. I was getting anxious about situations in our family and fell back into my old pattern of controlling people and circumstances.

Of course I’m pretty good at “whipping” everything and everybody into shape, but things started unraveling fast inside of me. I was restless. I wanted to eat all sorts of things and I was avoiding God.

Fortunately I’ve learned, through much tears and many heartaches, to recognize these patterns in myself.

So I was back at the drawing board with God:

The Bible clearly says that self-control is part of the Fruit of the Spirit and “should” thus be part of every spirit filled Christian’s life. According to John 15 we will bear much fruit (including self-control) if we are plugged into the vine (Jesus). So having self-control means staying close to God, OBEYING GOD, and daily asking the Holy Spirit to fill us and give us control of ourselves.

However, no where in the Bible will you find any kind of command or even an indication that we are suppose to control other people and circumstances.

Now if you are immediately thinking  “I’m not a control-freak” you might want to first read the following to make sure:

Controlling can be blatant or subtle. Trying to please people and keep everybody happy doesn’t seem like control, but by always pleasing others we actually try to control the way they see us, or even what they think of us.

Controlling others has a nasty side affect: It robs us of our self-control. If we learn to give the people and things that we can not really control over to God, we have enough peace to build and work on our relationship with God and as a result we see the fruit of the Spirit show up in our lives..

You girls know me by now: I want to know how it works in real life!
I’m seeing how every time I choose to give control over to God, I have more peace, more time (by not obsessing about others) and more self control.

Try it…next time you feel like controlling or pleasing someone else, ask God what you’re suppose to do. Something like this “Am I suppose to control/please this person Lord? Which part of this is my job and which is Your job?”

Okay, so I know it’s not that easy: What do you do with the anxiety, the pain and the stress surrounding the relationships you are currently trying to control?
 Women have so much more stress that’s related to relationships than men. We want to fix everyone’s problems and keep everybody happy. But at what price? We loose control of our own lives!

capture16One of the things I found that works wonders for this kind of stress: Girl friend time!
Get into a group or ask God to help you find friends with whom you can be real. I found that it’s easier to join a woman’s Bible study or a support group. The kind of”realness” that we all desperately need usually starts in these kind of groups, and lots of times it flows over into lifetime friendships.

God gave us each other, and nobody understands the needs, stress and worries of a woman like another woman. Please find a place where you can talk about the stress in your relationships.

Most women I know constantly put their own needs and wants on the back burner. So I guess it’s almost “normal”, but it doesn’t mean that we can keep doing it without damage to our lives. Our anxiety sometimes reach such high levels that we start looking around for a crutch such as food, alcohol, pornography or drugs.

Do you feel that you have little or no self-control left?
Please have a look at your relationships and circumstances. You might have the best of intentions in controlling people and circumstances, but it still robs you from the ability to control your own self.

Find a quiet place today where you can think and talk to God about control. If you give the control back to God you will feel peace come back to your life. In the light of that peace, you will be able to talk to Him more openly, and He will tell you why He created you in the first place

Don’t think for one minute that this is selfish. The most wonderful gift you can give your family and friends is to start taking care of your own wants and needs (spiritual, emotional and physical). If you do that, you will regain your self-control and will be able to sow love into their lives without controlling them.

I don’t say this lightly. I have to remind myself daily that by controlling others I am robbing myself of self-control. I need all nine parts of the fruit of the Spirit desperately in my life, so I keep giving the control that belongs to God back to Him…

From a ex control-freak

Heleen