While I was busy creating this week on exercise the enemy tried his luck with me: He didn’t succeed, but oh it was close.
Here’s what happened:

I started the morning out like most mornings: Get up, get dressed for gym, and spend some time with the Lord. I wasn’t able to go to the gym for a couple of days, and I know by now that if I skip three days in a row, I’m heading for trouble.
So here I was, absolutely determined to go.

I love to just walk on the treadmill and read a magazine. I found that I do best if I am unaware of the effort or the pain to perform the exercise. If I do something I love, like reading a magazine, it makes the time fly. I am always amazed at how much I’ve done in what seems like no time at all. The best part is that I get to read a magazine, something that I love, yet never have the time to do. So these days I feel that going to the gym is me-time, a little time I steal to relax.
I still have to make myself do weights and stomach crunches afterwards, and I still have excuses ready for getting out of it almost every single day. But hey (most of the time) I resist (sigh)

But this specific morning my husband phoned and casually announced that we should have certain people over for dinner. This specific situation, with these specific people has been a point of conflict for us for a long time. So of course the enemy knows my weakness, and he knows when to push what button. And of course I never see his “tail and horns” sticking out behind the person he is using to get to me. Nope, I tend to always first take it personal.

So I find myself ranting and raving on the phone for a while, and then in my head for a while, and then to my friend for a while, until it’s almost lunch time and I am all out of peace.

I was still steaming when it hit me:  I never went to the gym. I don’t want to go now, I’m too upset. When I finally quit my whining, I hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me that this will be day 3 of no exercise. The enemy would love that. I would hate that and probably eat stuff I don’t eat anymore. This might be a trap.

Immediately I start to reason (something I can be very good at when I don’t want to do something): What good could it possible do? I have a crisis here. You don’t go to the gym if you have a crisis, that’s simply bad crisis control. You do something, talk to people, try and solve it, for crying out loud.

By now it was time for the baby’s nap, and I ran out of excuses. So I decided, very reluctantly, more out of habit, to JUST GO.

When I stopped at the gym I felt an unexpected peace wash over me. I felt a strange contentment. I suspected in that moment that something might have been going on in the spiritual realm that I was totally oblivious to.

On this very difficult day, something very wonderful happened:
I have been wanting to start running (even for a minute) on the treadmill, but I always feel self-conscious and worried about hurting myself.
This morning, I ended up on a treadmill between a lady three times my size and an elderly gentleman. I am mentioning this not to degrade them in any way, on the contrary, I was very impressed by them: They were running, not jogging, running, both of them!

So here I was thinking to myself: Today is the day! The enemy set me up for a fall. I resisted him by the grace of God. And now God has set me up for a victory. I then I did it! I started running, not for long of course, but it was pure joy.
So not only did I not spiral down on this day, but I was also filled with joy and a renewed respect for God’s truth and His love for me!

And I suspect you would get a kick out of this one: When I got home hubby phoned and announced, again, ever so casually: “Hey honey, don’t worry about it, they’re not coming over anymore”.

40 days of warfare

Day 9
O yeah, I also experienced something at the gym this morning. I don’t have lots of work with the kids on Fridays, so when the baby napped I went to the gym.
I didn’t write a lot about my gym experience, I guess simply because it was horrible. I haven’t gone for, oh at least six months.
I felt like one blob of fat on the treadmill. Fortunately I always go when it is very slow. But there is always some little dolly that’s jogging her little heart out next to me, or someone twice my age that is going further and harder than me.
At first I kept my jacket on, because even my biggest T-shirt can not hide all my rolls. But I had to take it off because it was simply too hot.
And off course while walking my pants pulls up between my legs and I feel so self conscious. Do I pull it out or do I just keep bearing the discomfort?
Doing weights is no walk in the park either. It’s like I’ve never done anything in my life. I can not lift a thing and when I lay down on those tiny benches I feel like a pig that’s going to be slaughtered. People stare, and I know it’s not the good kind of stare.

Day 12

This was a great day for most parts. Partly because I went to the gym (Although it was a struggle, more like a nightmare, to get there as I never want to go)…

Day 27

Oh yes, and this morning I knew it was time to pursue my dream of running a marathon. I put my too small sports bra on and made my hair into a pony tail and I ran, in my living room, on the spot, to some worship music.
I thought for sure I was going to die, but I didn’t! I actually still have a pulse, with all the extra weight on me! I can still run (only 2 minutes at a time with walking in between). But hey, all together I ran 8 minutes! I never thought this is still possible, and I am so excited, I want to get to the gym to do some weight training and I ate a piece of steak and veggies for breakfast.
I am not even worried that all this may not last, because I know the most important thing, spending time with God, is going to stick. I am doing it baby, nothing is as important!