• He should be able to take care of me, financially yes, but also in all other areas. Basically I want to feel safe with him, knowing that if things get rough in whatever area, I can count on him to support me and get me through it.
• I would like for Him to have great wisdom when I’m not sure what to do. Even an honest scolding if it would benefit me, but he must never be abusive, harsh, or mean!
• I would very much like for him to want to be with me, and spent time with me, without me ever having to ask for it.
• He would have to know me, all of me, my good and bad points, and still love me.
• He must be passionate about me, and also about life.
• He has to care about other people, but never to the point where I feel threatened or doubt his love for me.
• I want to feel that he cares about my heart, my passions, and the things and people that are important to me.
• I want to be proud of him and the things he does.
• I want to look at him and be amazed that he could even love a girl like me, yet in his presence I want to always feel that I am beautiful, even though I’m not perfect.
• I want him to see the little things that I do, and tell me how much he appreciates it.
• I want to tell others about him and think about him all day long, knowing that he is thinking of me too.
• I especially want to know that he will fight for me. Not just in times of physical danger, but also when he sees the enemy attacking my heart and that I start to drift into dangerous waters.
• I would love for him to encourage all my dreams and remind me of the person I am deep down in my heart.

In this vulnerable place Satan can badger us with lies.

• In this place where we no longer talk to our Husband and hear him whisper the truth of his Word into our ears.

• It is in this place, where our enemy pounds our hearts with so much guilt and shame that we can no longer see our true passions and desires.

• It is in this place, where he makes us so ashamed of our rotten state, that we believe that our Husband could not possibly love us anymore, and that we should make an end to it all.

Here is what I did:

I would “use” food when I felt lonely, depressed and sad.

I would definitely “use” food when I was anxious or dealing with a lot of stress.

I would sometimes “refrain from eating” to control situations or manipulate people.

I would “use” food to make situations better and smooth out difficult relationships .

I would also “use” food to comfort others, or make them like me so I could feel better about myself.

This Lover is abusive.

When you’re in the clutches ofovereating, the abuse starts right away:

Clothes don’t fit and if you buy bigger sizes, those might be too tight in just a couple of weeks. Black sweat pants becomes your armor, your shield against the world. Family gatherings and work functions become your worst nightmare. Actually just going to church becomes a nightmare, and any other social event seems unthinkable. Before you have to go somewhere you beg God for snow, hail, anything. And every time you miraculously get out of some social gathering you celebrate with a big meal and thank God that you have another opportunity to lose weight before you have to face those people again. Your diet will begin tomorrow. You have bought some time to lose weight. But you never do, because your lover is not about to let you go that easily.

This lover steals your joy

To me this was the worst hold my “lover” had on me. I always felt like someone inside me was crying. Actually someone was, it was me, it was my broken heart that I locked away and covered with food for so many years.
Even during my happiest days, I would feel that something was lacking.
Even when everything in my life seemed peachy and no one would imagine that I am anything but ecstatic, I would know better…
There was always something lurking in the back of my mind:

• The knowing that I am a slave to food, that I can not eat in a normal healthy way.
• The knowing that I am always craving for more, always planning the next meal.
• The knowing that I was not really who people thought I was, I was a fake, the great pretender.

It is devastating and exhausting to have to hide all the time.
It’s even worse if you know that you are carrying your shame like a cloak for everyone to see, yet you pretend not to care and they pretend not to notice. But people notice, they talk behind your back, and you know it, and cry in silence.

This lover offers a life of shame, days of hiding, and nights of heartburn

When everybody else enjoyed summer and got their shorts and swimsuits out, I would feel hurt by my lover. I would recognize, like many times before, that “he” might not be the one for me. I would try and leave “him”. I would go on hikes and my thighs will get blisters from rubbing against each other. I would try and eat some green salads while my heart longs for the potato salad and the hot dogs.
Every day I would make another commitment and try so hard to leave this lover behind, but my heart wouldn’t let me stay away for long. I would always at some point decide that it’s not worth it, I can’t live without my lover, I would rather die of shame, I would rather die…

This lover won’t let go

Actually every single time that I would try and get away, I just couldn’t.
As soon as I decided to make a change, life would seem to get so difficult and relationships extra hard, so that I would crawl back to the abusive lover.

Other times the enemy would attack my heart with guilt and shame and because of the distance between me and Jesus, my husband and Lord, I would not run to Him for the healing my bleeding heart so desperately needed. I knew that the Bible calls Him our healer and that He has come to heal my broken heart, but it just wasn’t real to me.

I was scared and not sure that He would care about me in this filthy, broken state.In the end I would turn again to the only one I knew, the false lover who would always help me cover over the pain, if only for a few seconds. Yet, moments later I would find myself sinking even deeper into my pit of despair.

I didn’t want my heart tied to this lover anymore.

So I had to go through the pain and anguish to say goodbye to this lover. This is the irony, never mind how abusive the lover is, it is always very difficult to leave. Food addiction became entwined with me, part of my being. I didn’t know who I was and how to act without it. I had to resist the urge to turn back to this lover moment by moment.I had to break away and stay away until my heart was healed and belonged safely to Another: Someone who was and is worthy of my love – Jesus the true lover of my soul.