Week 10 C
Guidelines and Assignments for you
For best results:
Do these assignments on the last 5 days of Week 10 after you’ve read through the material in section A and B
DAY 1
Stop Procrastination
Tips for you to stop Procrastination in your life
1. Stop the Planning
Although planning is beneficial, it can be the main downfall of a procrastinator. If you keep trying to make the perfect plan, the plan will always be the only thing you get done. You will keep procrastinating instead of actually DOING it.
2. Set realistic goals
Test it against consistency: If you would hate it after a week or simply won’t be able to do it after two days, then it can not be your goal.
3. Take things ONE at a TIME
Break big things into bite size pieces for you.
Remember: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
To overwhelm yourself will keep you procrastinating forever. Start with 5 minutes of prayer a day, just walk around the block for now, or drink only two cups of coffee instead of six.
4. Do things you don’t like as early as possible
If you simply HATE to drink water, then start by drinking your first glass right when you wake up and get you quota of water out of the way early in the day. The same goes for exercise: Many procrastinators say that they have to get out for that walk as soon as they wake up, or they will keep finding excuses to not do it for the rest of the day.
5. Remind yourself that: Perfection is an illusion
This is a mind thing. You will have to rebuke the thoughts and yearnings for perfection that come up in your mind. Remember, the enemy has been using this, like every other lie to keep you in bondage. Don’t believe Him anymore. Next time you see a beautiful lady in a magazine, and you feel that overwhelming sadness and yearning to look like that; rebuke it. Try this: “Shut up Satan, I rebuke you in Jesus’ name, there is no such thing as perfection, it’s a lie! I am good enough the way I am. I have value. I am a child of God and I strive for excellence, not perfection!”
6. Remember to write in your journal.
Your journal is an excellent way to keep perfectionism and procrastination at bay. On days when you feel discouraged, go highlight all that amazing things God has done since you’ve started this course. Look at all the things you have accomplished. Celebrate those victories! Every lie you refuted, every addiction you left behind, every time you forgave, every time you surrendered your heart to God, every time you put up one little boundary, every one of these are HUGE! All of this brings you closer to freedom. Yet, on a day your emotions are fragile, the enemy would come and play on your perfectionist tendencies, whispering to you that you didn’t accomplish anything yet and might as well quit! Precious woman of God, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM, HE IS A LIAR!
7. Sometimes you just have to DO IT!
I have found that in some instances the victory lays in just STARTING. It’s like taking a step in faith, you have to take the leap and trust that God will do the rest. I had to do this many times: Just grid my teeth and literally push through the procrastination, knowing that I might fail and that I can probably not do it perfectly. This website was one of those things. Yet, when you get that ball rolling it gains momentum and before you know it you have a speed ball. I believe this is especially true for our hearts desires. Many people never fulfill their dreams and God’s purpose over their lives, because they keep procrastinating out of fear that they won’t do it perfectly.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 2
Start Living in the Present
Living in the present is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and teach your children.
People with eating disorders find it very difficult to live in the present and when they are striving for a perfect body and perfect relationships they can miss out on their whole life.
Striving for perfection is a huge job: You have to plan, make schedules, make lists, and keep your hand on everything.
- You may be pre-occupied with the past, because you have to make sure you go back and catch everything that fell through the cracks, especially in relationships.
- You might be someone who feel that you have to phone everybody that might not be happy, and be sure to encourage everyone who seemed a little down or discouraged
- You may also be obsessed about the future because you always have a million plans. Your calendar might be flooded with meals to prepare, surprise parties to pull off, bible studies at your house, and evenings where you run around and play hostess so other people can relax and mingle.
Is this you? Are you running around buying, baking, phoning, decorating, sending out invitations, taking care of your family, making employee of the month again, being the best friend to all your friends, and keep up your title as a truly virtuous woman at church.
Is your today is always jam-packed, not only with today, but also with yesterday and tomorrow?
If so, then do you realize that you have no room to breathe and no room to live?
What does it really matter that you’re as close to perfect as you will ever be when you cry yourself to sleep at night and you have a deep drought inside your heart that keeps you yearning for living water and silence. Yet, you keep reaching for perfection that you never find, and you keep binging and purging, this way at least you get to keep the perfect body while you try and fill the emptiness with all the food you can find.
How long can you keep this up though? What will come first: Perfection or Cardiac arrest?
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A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU:
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There is something I would love for you to do this week:
STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES!
No really, I’m not kidding.
Start with one day.
When you wake up spend a moment in prayer and ask God to help you see everything with new eyes, like you are seeing it for the first time that day. (Don’t think you will have to do this everyday now, then it will just be another thing you try and do perfect)
Just take a Rest Day.
Make a decision to do absolutely nothing this whole day, except to observe and enjoy the things around you. Just let everything go for one whole day, it will be awesome!
Don’t make any plans. This is one of the big downfalls of a Perfectionist – we have to ALWAYS have a plan. So, today: NO PLAN
- Give hubby a big old good morning kiss and just let the day roll over you
- Go outside and listen to the birds
- Just sit on the deck, take in your surroundings and do absolutely NOTHING else
- Be spontaneous: Go to a park, don’t pack anything, just go and actually get on a swing or go down a slide
- Stop to notice your kids or you pets – really notice them and let the moment unfold anyway it wants (don’t try to control things)
- Go to the beach (don’t plan it) – just sit and watch the mighty ocean God created especially for you
- Go on a hike in the mountains and listen to God’s creation around you, observe, watch the sunrise He painted for you
- If you love swimming but haven’t done it in years – just go – feel how light your body is in the water and how free you feel
\Don’t control anything today, just let it happen and get yourself in the PRESENT, the NOW. Forget about dinner, forget about tomorrow, forget especially about what happened yesterday. Focus on today.
It’s really happening NOW!
- Feel how it feels to not think about all the things you should have done and could have done and still have to do for tomorrow
- Feel how it feels to not have to wait until you can fit in a certain type of clothing to live
Just really LIVE for this one day
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Tip: Please read this post I’ve written on my blog that talks about this very important issue: |
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 3
Learn to fail
Remember: HOLINESS is what God requires of us, not PERFECTION!
Holiness can only be achieved by giving the Holy Spirit free reign in our lives.
When our lives are surrendered to God, He uses even our “failures” for His Kingdom.
You don’t have to please everyone, and it’s okay if some people don’t like you!
God doesn’t want you to live this unnatural life. There is PRIDE in the desire that makes you want to be a perfect person in your own strength and for your own glory.
We are suppose to try and live at peace with others, but sometimes we can’t do anything about another person’s feelings and behavior towards us, and WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO.
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Did you ever realize that you might be trying, through your perfectionist behavior, to control other people’s thoughts and feelings towards you. Forget it! Control just like perfection is an illusion, it doesn’t exist, it can not be obtained, and chasing it will ruin your life. Important: Your control of another person might actually be in direct opposition to what God is wanting to do in that person’s life! |
If you struggle with perfectionism you probably know the weird feeling in the pit of your stomach when someone disapproves of you or simply doesn’t like you.
You might have sleepless nights and days filled with worry and anxiety over this. What is going on?
You basically feel like a failure, because you didn’t achieve your main goal in life: Keeping everybody happy.
Your enemy loves it when you are afraid of making mistakes and upsetting other people, because he is the one who sows the fear, it is not of God.
Have you ever thought about why you fear other people’s anger or disapproval?
- It could be that you have been abused by a person who always got angry and said mean things to you. So by trying to keep things as smooth and “perfect” as possible in relationships, you might try to protect yourself. If this is true for you, you might need to talk to a counselor some more about this. Anger is normal, however, it is the way we act when we’re angry that hurt other people. There is a place for healthy conflict, and by avoiding it you don’t mature in this area. You want to become someone that can engage in healthy conflict without fear. Speak to a counselor/close friend about this, it might be good to start practicing engaging in conflict with them (someone you know to be a safe person)
- It might also be that you never learned to contain your feelings. This sometimes happen if you had a parent who was always “falling apart” whether mentally or physically. If you never had a decent example of someone containing their feelings, it might be unfamiliar to you. It basically comes down to the fact that as we mature we learn that we are in control of our thoughts, which in return control our feelings. This area in your life might not be mature yet. Again, counseling will help you deal with this. I will also give you some suggestions on how to contain your emotions.
How do you learn to fail?
1. Repent of Pride
Take some time today to come before God in prayer. Have you ever considered that your perfectionism might have pride at it’s core? We sometimes think that we are so in control of our lives that we can “play God” by never making mistakes and keeping everyone happy. If this is true for you, could you repent of being prideful and controlling others today?
2. Make mistakes and don’t try to fix it – Laugh at yourself
Learn to laugh at yourself instead of shaming and scolding yourself when you make a mistake. We are sometimes our own worst enemies. Give yourself room and freedom to make mistakes. Start by telling yourself every time you make a mistake: Everybody makes mistakes, its okay.
3. Learn to contain your own emotions: Refuse to obsess about other people’s anger
Strive to live at peace with everyone as the Word says, but if they refuse to accept your apology or just don’t like you, you have to learn to let it go. Ask God to help you gain control of your mind and refuse to dwell on that person’s anger – if you dwell on it you are held captive by it – not the other person. However, you have to also make sure that you don’t harbor any unforgiveness against the person. This could be the reason for your obsession, and in this case forgiving the person will set you free from the anxious thoughts and the hurt feelings.
4. Refuse to try and control other people’s feelings
We are not suppose to control others. God has made us stewards of our own lives, not the lives of other adult people. So to try and manipulate someone’s feelings and behavior by calling and constantly trying to talk to them about the unresolved conflict when they are not ready will just make matters worse. Let it go and let God deal with them if they hurt you and refuse to reconcile.
5. Silence the enemy’s voice of shame and guilt
Satan will always try and attack you with guilt and shame. Don’t listen to him. Remember: Guilt and Shame is a waste of your time, it accomplishes nothing but steal your time and ruin your life.
If the Holy Spirit convicts you that you have done something wrong and need to seek reconciliation then definitely repented and ask the other person to forgive you. However, once you have asked for forgiveness (whether they except it or not) you don’t have to feel shame or guilt. The enemy would want to keep you in a place of guilt and shame, in fact Satan tends to shame us for simple mistakes such as calling someone by the wrong name or getting in the wrong line at the Post Office.
6. Let others make mistakes without shaming them
Give other people, especially you children, freedom to make mistakes. Tell them that it’s not the end of the world, and although they have to learn to take responsibility for their mistakes, they don’t have to feel shame about it and they also shouldn’t berate themselves.
Teach by example – Don’t be so hard on yourself.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 4
Have some fun!
I have 3 challenges for you today!
When last did you have a good laugh?
Some perfectionist tends to take life way too serious. Studies have shown so many health benefits that come from a good belly-laugh. God made our bodies and he invented laughter as medicine for a heavy soul.( Proverbs 17:22)
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Challenge #1 I challenge you to find something to laugh out loud about his week. Rent a movie that cracks you up or go see a live stand-up comedian. Come on, I know you can find something. All that frowning is just giving you wrinkles anyway! Tip: I recommend Bananas for good clean stand-up comedy – you will find their DVD’s at Christian bookstores or online Anita Renfroe is one of my favorite funny gals – Google her to find a live performance in your area and be sure to go with a bunch of girlfriends. Or buy her DVD at a Christian bookstore or online and invite some girls over for coffee and laughs
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When last did you do some fun things?
You might have been so busy striving for perfection in so many areas that you have forgotten what you like. What makes you tick? God has made you to be a certain person, with certain qualities and interests. We’ve looked at our specific hearts desires, but what do you like to do for fun? Do you love roller coasters , but haven’t done that in forever? What about windsurfing, shopping for antiques, painting, scrap booking, sowing, going to museums, or reading? Do you know that God created you with these interests, and he smiles when you’re pursuing it and when you’re just being you.
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Challenge #2 Try to remember what you like. Think back and try and recall long forgotten passions. What hobbies did you have, or better yet, what interests did you always want to pursue but never got around to doing? This is your chance, don’t wait any longer, go have some fun. I challenge you, girl!
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What about dancing?
I just read an article a few days ago about dancing and how it releases all the right chemicals to change our whole outlook on life, and boost our recovery from addiction. And it is good exercise too! It reminded me of how I used to just put music on and dance like a crazy woman when I was younger; especially when I was really stressed out, and it always worked!
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Challenge #3
You know it – Get your dancing shoes on girl! Come on, it’s a challenge. Don’t let the perfectionist in you wonder about dance lessons or the right music. Just do it. Turn on that radio and crank the volume up. You don’t have to be young to feel young – dance your heart out. You don’t have to be a crazy extrovert or a big mouth like me, you can just be you and do it anyway you want. No one is watching except the One who invented dancing, and He’s smiling! It shouldn’t be perfect, it should just feel good! |
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 5
Tune out the “Drill Sergeant”
Do you have a drill sergeant in your head? Most perfectionists have actually
This could be due to a number of reasons.
Here are only a few: A rigid, controlling parent; a legalistic background; lack of love and attention as a child; or abuse
We learn how to talk to ourselves and treat ourselves through our parents’ example. The manner in which they treated us and themselves can stay with us, and can be the voice that drives us.
This is not the voice of the our Heavenly Father though. He is not a harsh, abusive or absent parent. He is compassionate, kind and merciful, yet He is also strong, just, righteous and sovereign. We spoke about getting to know God as our true Father in Week 8. Please go read it again if this is still a big problem for you.
Remember: You are in charge now, so be a good “parent” to yourself.
Care for yourself, talk to yourself with respect, have mercy on- and be patience with yourself.
Take care of your needs: Hunger, fatigue, pain, discomfort and safe boundaries.
So if you have the voice of a drill sergeant in your head, you can do 2 things to change that:
- Get to know the heart and character of God, your true father, He is not a drill sergeant.
- Start giving yourself the kind of caring parenting you never received as a child
Here’s an example of the Caring Parent you want to be for your child and also for yourself:
A caring parent encourages her child to go for excellence with the help of the Holy Spirit
A caring parent doesn’t require perfection
A caring parent builds her child up with the truth
A caring parent accepts all of her child: Strengths and weaknesses
A caring parent teaches her child to embrace her strengths without pride and her weaknesses without shame
A caring parent makes mistakes and apologizes
A caring parent shows her human side to her child, tells the truth, sets boundaries, and care about her own body and well- being
A caring parent is just that: caring and loving, not perfect
IMPORTANT: A caring parent asks the help of the Holy Spirit to do the above, but she knows that she will not get it all right, and that’s okay, because a caring parent doesn’t try to be perfect.
As we said before: WE TEACH BY EXAMPLE! So the best way to teach your child to let go of Perfectionism is to let it go yourself.
Please Stop requiring Perfection from yourself. Let yourself off the hook, then you will be able to let others off the hook as well.
Scripture quotations are from the following versions with corresponding abbreviations:
AMP= THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, EXPANDED EDITION. Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Words in brackets [ ] and parentheses ( ) are those of The Amplified Bible translators, not the author.
NIV= Holy Bible,NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright © 1973, 1978 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
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