Dearest woman of God,

Please check off the areas that we previously dealt with, in order for you to get an idea of how you’re doing.

If you have not made any progress in this area it might be a good idea to ask for some prayer by sending me an email or posting on our Members Forum. You might also look into some counseling, or support from a friend or pastor to speed up your healing.

• Did you repent from areas in your life where you are not really truthful with yourself and others about your needs and wants?
• Have you sensed that you might be controlling others? Have you asked God to forgive you and help you with this?
• Do you think this might be due to fear of rejection?
• Do you think this might be due to a false sense of responsibility for others?
• Have you asked God to help you stand against these and remove it from your life?
• Do you need some additional counseling to deal with these issues?
• Have you been a people pleaser?
• Are you ready to start speaking the truth in love? Have you asked God and others to help you engage in confrontation when necessary?
• Have you started being a little bit more truthful to yourself by identifying your needs, meeting some of those needs, and asking others to do things for you?
• Are you afraid to put up boundaries and say what you need?
• Have you brought these fears before God?

Holiness

The goal of Holiness is to please God and to become more like Him.
This pursuit brings forth Love, Peace, Joy and every other part of the Fruit of the Spirit in our lives. This pursuit will end in heaven, but as we keep reaching for it here on earth it changes us in ways we never thought possible.

Also: Holiness can only be achieved by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. We can’t do it ourselves.

Perfection

The pursuit of Perfection revolves mainly around pleasing ourselves and impressing others. This pursuit brings forth obsession, neurosis, and anxiety in our lives.

Also: Perfection is something we strive for in our own strength, which is limited and flawed, so the outcome is uncertain and the goal unattainable.

“I have to have the Perfect Body”

Now this should come as not surprise: People with eating disorders are constantly striving to “create” the “perfect body”. Even if they’re overweight and not actively pursuing a “perfect body” they will procrastinate at everything while waiting for the day they are skinny. They might also use their body as an excuse to procrastinate going after their dreams, out of fear that they would fail at it. So they miss out on dancing, dating, starting a new career, running a marathon, playing tennis, skiing, acting, singing, studying, or getting that dream job.

Does all of this sound familiar to you?
This discontentment with you body could very likely have been with you since childhood.

Let me pose a question to you that is bound to make you squirm with discomfort: What if it’s okay to wear a size 12 forever?
Yes, even in the summer! and yes even at that reunion!
What if you can relax and enjoy life just the way you are – right now – without changing anything? What if you can get happy and comfortable in a size that you can keep up consistently, without too much effort, and without harming yourself in any way.

I’m not talking about pretending to be happy with a weight that is obviously off the charts and affecting your health and your ability to live a normal life - we should all find a food plan that can keep us in a normal healthy weight range. I’m talking about being dissatisfied with your body because it doesn’t look like the “perfect” bodies you see on TV or in a magazine, even though you might seem perfectly fine to everybody around you. Please go read Week 6 of my program again if this is still a huge issue for you – your perfectionism might have lies of the enemy at the root of it.

“I have to eat in a perfect way to lose weight”

• What if a slip-up means nothing?

• What if you never eat “perfect” again?

Picture this scenario with me for a minute:

You start a new food plan. You promise yourself that you are going to follow it perfectly – this one is going to make you fit into that # 2 high-school jeans again.

You weigh everything and don’t eat one morsel that you’re not suppose to.
You feel elated; oh the bliss of having will-power to do things perfectly! You can see yourself now in your little summer dress…

Then it happens; a slip-up. You couldn’t help yourself, you just had to eat one extra hard boiled egg, you were too hungry… and now it’s all over! You decide to just give up. What’s the use? You will never get it right. You drive to the store to buy ice cream, fried chicken, and chocolate.

On the way to the store you promise yourself that you will start again tomorrow, and this time you will do it perfectly – more rigid than before – only fruit and veggies. You feel better, this binge won’t hurt you, today is lost anyway, but at least you have a plan for tomorrow…

One problem – today is pretty much a reflection of how your life is going to look like – all the “todays” of the past strung together gave you the life you have right now…

What if you start being consistent TODAY?

Imagine a year on a good program that lets you eat a great variety of food (or has a great variety of meal replacements for all your needs) and never leaves you deprived and dreaming of chocolate waterfalls. What could have happened if you started being consistent a year ago and followed a program that gave you all the nutrients you needed and your cravings started to diminish? What if you stop looking today for a dangerous method (purging, diet pills, and fad diets) and start looking to a program that you can follow through the ups and downs of your life? Imagine the peace in your heart, the energy in your body, and the steady weight loss…

The main question to ask yourself: Which program will help you eat healthy and in moderation CONSISTENTLY (7 days a week) without making you panic and turn to dangerous methods?

IMPORTANT:

• If you have strong perfectionistic tendencies, set very high expectations on yourself, and have not been able to stick to any rigid type of program, you may want to follow a program that gives you more options and allow for some mistakes along the way (such as Weight Watchers or First Place – please see my recommendations in Week 4)
  You will need to move away from finding the “perfect diet” and having “perfect days” to setting your focus on 365 “not such perfect days” to get you there. Read this post to understand this better: 365 Days to Transform you Life
  Start asking God to help you get out of the “LOSING WEIGHT” mentality and instead have a “CARING FOR MY BODY” mentality

• If you have been following a programs like Weight Watchers in the past and find yourself procrastinating even more with a more lenient program (keep going around in the same cycle and losing the same 10 pounds over and over again) then you might need a program with more boundaries (such as Take Shape for Life – please see my recommendations in Week 4 – I found this to be true for me during a certain season in my life)

You may have been going around in a cycle for years now of “eating perfectly” during the week and then throwing everything overboard on the weekends.

Please contact me to discuss which program will be the best for you if you have been procrastinating in choosing a program for a while now. This might be due to fear of not being able to follow it “perfectly” in the past, and failing again.

“I have to have Perfect relationships”

In order to keep relationships “perfect” and “conflict free” you have to be a people pleaser.
This means that you are never truthful with those around you about who you are and what you need. This destroy relationships. Also, people find it hard to relate to someone who seem to ALWAYS have it all together. In most instances perfectionists actually hides flaws and pretend that life is a breeze: They seem to keep their house clean without much effort, their kids are always perfectly behaved, they don’t have any struggles, and they don’t need anybody.

Isn’t it time to be real with other people, consistently, so that you can drop the pretenses, make some real friends, and get some of your needs met?

“I have to be a super perfect child of God”

Consistency is the key to a healthy relationship with God.
You can not just dart in and out of God’s presence whenever you have a need and expect something substantial from the relationship. No relationship works this way, and certainly not our most important relationship of all.

If we start to make time in His presence a daily thing, our appetite for His Word and our ability to hear His voice grows. We develop a desire to be with Him and the more time we spend with Him the more we grow spiritually, and the less we need food as a crutch.

We will never be free from all the chains that bind us if we have these “bursts of anointing” where we suddenly want to do everything perfect : Spend two hours in prayer , read and study the Word, enroll in a Bible study, and sign up for woman’s ministry, all in one day.
You know this will probably not last a week before something starts to give, and you think to yourself: “This serving-God-thing is too hard. Even if it will bring me freedom, I can’t keep it up, it’s exhausting!”

Maybe you already know from past experience how great it is in His presence, and you know it’s the only way to live, but you keep procrastinating because it has to be just perfect: Perfect time, perfect place, perfect Bible study and perfect silence.

It’s not about perfection: Growing in your walk with God comes down to a commitment to be consistent – basic obedience.

God wants you just as you are with the little you have to offer: He will multiply it.

What will happen if you stop to make perfect plans to come to God and just start talking to Him every day, and take every spare 5minutes to pick up the Bible? What if you do this every day, relaxed and consistent, like breathing, not like a chore?

” I have to do this exercise perfectly”

There is no perfect time to exercise
There is no perfect form or amount of exercise
There is no perfect place to exercise or perfect clothes to wear
There is no perfect number of days to exercise

The right time, amount, and number for you is… WHATEVER YOU CAN DO CONSISTENTLY – NOTHING ELSE!

What exercise will you be able to do consistently starting RIGHT NOW?

” I have to follow this program perfectly”

Even if you try to implement and do the things I recommend in this study perfectly, you will end up procrastinating and finding something else instead that can give you a quick fix.

Every single habit and principle that I’ve recommended should be individually weighed.
You should incorporate as much of these at a time and in the amount that you can handle to not feel overwhelmed.
There is no perfect way to do any of these. It is all between you and God. Most of it is a issue of the heart that no one can see anyway. So even if you get it perfect, no one but you and God will know.

JUST RELAX – YOU’RE DOING GREAT – AND THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH!

If God brought this course across you path, is He not also able to show you ways to incorporate these principles into your life, exactly when you need it?

Your church has a new pastor and it’s your night to take them a “welcome dinner”

You did all the planning and buying and can’t wait to impress them with your skilled cooking. You can already hear them sing your praises. (I know it sounds like a tacky story about a very vain woman, but bear with me:)

Then your perfect plans take a turn for the worst: Your child comes home with a fever and needs your attention. You panic and phone your husband at work. He can not come home early and suggests you cancel dinner or just take them a pizza.

You feel frustrated and cheated.
What about your perfect image? Everybody knows that you’re a great cook and that you always come through. How can you now take the new pastor a pizza?

You hear a small still voice nudging you to do the EXCELLENT thing: Put your child and your own sanity first. There’s no glory, there’s no reward, but there’s the smile of God and the host of heaven watching in anticipation.

What will you do?
Can you do the excellent thing?
Can you let go of the perfection, the people pleasing, and do what will please God and bring peace to your heart?
or
Will you roll up your sleeves and decide: I can do all of this. Then proceed to run around like a crazy woman, feel guilty about your child, resent the pastor, drink three cups of coffee, and eat a bag of peanut M&M’s to keep you going and calm your nerves?

Honestly, you might still find yourself binging two weeks after this – not really knowing what is going on with you.
All because you chose to be perfect instead of holy, please others instead of being truthful, ignore you own body’s needs and limitations, and shun the voice of your conscience and the Holy Spirit.

Does this sound familiar to you at all?