Week 9 C
Guidelines and Assignments for you
For best results:
Do these assignments on the last 5 days of Week 9 after you’ve read through the material in section A and B
DAY 1
Time for the truth
It is difficult, especially for us women, to tell people the truth if we think that it might offend or hurt them.
The Bible is clear about the fact that we should speak the truth in love: It doesn’t say that we should only speak the truth when it’s convenient or when it wouldn’t stir up conflict.
Have a look at this verse:
Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Do you feel that you are truthful, or do you only tell people what they want to hear?
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Please answer these questions honestly:
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Did you maybe find out, like I did, that you don’t always tell people the truth?
The biggest revelation to me was that I mostly lied to people about me. I didn’t want them to think that I was selfish or didn’t care about them, so I would not tell them what I really needed or how I really felt.
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If this is true for you then I’m sure you know where to start: RepentanceLying is a sin you know, it’s not just some little character flaw. It hurts our relationship with God and it gives Satan some standing ground in our lives. |
Would you please join me in prayer:
Lord Jesus,
I repent from the sin of deceit. I have not been truthful to myself, others and you. You know that I didn’t mean to sin against you Lord, but I thank you for showing me this area that is hurting our relationship and I ask that you will forgive me and wash me clean. Thank you for setting me on this journey and guiding me all the way to freedom. Thank you for loving me. I know you require truth in my inmost being, and I ask that you will help me to be truthful form this day on. Bring the times that I am not really honest to my attention and help me to become someone that is truly truthful. Thank you Jesus, I accept your forgiveness.
Amen.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 2
Stop the control
IMPORTANT:YOU CAN NOT CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE!
Trying to control other people will just get you into a heap of trouble and give you a nervous breakdown.
God made us to be responsible for ourselves and even children need to take age appropriate responsibilities in order to become healthy, capable adults one day
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WARNING: If you are controlling someone they will always end up resenting you for it, and even reject you as a result of it
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Controlling someone causes a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety in your life.
It is not an easy thing to let go of control when it comes to our children. As moms we have to be in control of our little ones or they will not survive. For many years we control what they eat, what they wear, and what they do, and then one day we wake up and it’s time… time to surrender the control little by little and then totally.
It’s terrifying for a mom and it breaks her heart, especially if it’s the first one.
I still remember when my oldest son, who is now 21, started pushing for more independence.
Giving him some freedom was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. My husband had to hold me back many nights, or I would have gone after him, to check up on him. I’m one of those moms who calls her young adult to make sure he is wearing a coat even though he is a responsible and careful young man who doesn’t give me any real reason to worry.
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A dear friend gave me some excellent advice a few years back: She said to always remember that when separating is most difficult for me, it is probably most crucial for his future. Teaching your teenager boundaries is a balancing act between CONTROL and FREEDOM By slowly letting go (even if it’s super difficult for you) you are…
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IMPORTANT: There is someone that you can and should control: YOU
This verse says it all – If we don’t have self control we are unprotected against the enemy:
Proverbs 25:28
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
You are in control of yourself, regardless of what you believe at this point.
Part of the Fruit of the Spirit is self control (please note that it is not the control of others)
The thing is that our self control with regards to our Eating Disorder has been worn thin by the enemy and it feels as if we don’t have any control at all in this area. This is why we can not do it alone, the war going on in the heavens for our freedom is huge. We need the Holy Spirit and also the support of other people.
So what part of SELF can you control even if you’re weak in the area of food?
- You are in control of your time: You can make time to build you love relationship with God, so that you don’t need to turn to food for comfort
- You are in control of your thoughts: You can take a hold of those crazy out-of-control thoughts, recognize them as lies from the enemy, and replace them with the truth of God’s Word
- You can give up the secrecy and isolation surrounding your food struggle and reach out to someone for help and support
- You can stop trying to control others: Be honest with yourself. Is this maybe a diversion to keep you from dealing with your own lack of self control and your eating disorder?
People with Eating Disorder sometimes control someone else to take the focus off their disorder
People who feel overly responsible for others tend to control those that they “mother”.
If this is you: Would you ask God to help you let go of the false responsibility and to help you find the balance between your responsibility and someone else’s.
People who have been smothered with love, yet never received guidance, tend to control their close family members through manipulation and guilt.
It this is true for you? Would you ask God to help you let go of this fear of rejection, it is from the enemy. Ask Him to help you find the balance between Holding close and Letting go.
Please take the rest of this day to look closely at your relationships:
- Do you tend to control others?
- Do you do this to divert others and yourself from you Eating Disorder?
- Do you control because you have a false sense of responsibility for the people in your life?
- Can it be that you control because you fear rejection?
- Is there maybe another reason why you feel you need to control people in you life?
Would you please make some time to talk these over with God and to ask Him to help you get rid of these fears, false sense of responsibility, or anything else that makes you control others.
We were never made to control others or be controlled by others; it is an unnatural state and it will hurt you and your relationships.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 3
Stop the People Pleasing
The Bible is clear that we should not be people pleasers, but rather seek to please God.
Paul says in Galatians 1:10 (AMP)
Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah).
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How do you handle conflict in a Godly way? How can you be truthful without being hateful? It is difficult for most women to engage in conflict. I have recently read about and also heard a couple of Bible teachers teach on being a PEACE MAKER instead of a PEACE KEEPER They derive it from the verse in Matthew 5: 9 : “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God” I’m paraphrasing, but according to the Hebrew, this word Peacemaker refers to an active pursuit of peace, opposed to a passive peace. So there is something to be done to keep the peace other than the passive act of avoiding conflict
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God says it is never okay to forfeit the truth. However, He tells us to speak the truth in love. He also tells us to forbear sometimes.
When do we FORBEAR?
I believe that most of the time, especially in close relationships, we should forbear and let love cover a multitude of sin, as the Word tells us. So we should learn to let go of a lot of the little things. It is good for our relationships and good for building our character. Nobody wants to be confronted all day long about every little thing.
When do we CONFRONT?
- When someone is dishonoring God and hurting their testimony
- When someone is hurting them-self or someone else
- When the only way to save the relationship is through confrontation
How do we CONFRONT?
Speak the truth in Love
- Always PRAY first: If we are out of line and are confronting someone for the wrong reasons, such as our own selfish interests, we will not get this past God in prayer. On the other hand, if we are filled with fear, knowing that we are right to confront for the other person’s sake or the sake of the relationship, then we will be strengthened and encouraged in God’s presence, because God did not give us a spirit of fear.
Most importantly ask God to give you agape love for the person you are about to confront
- Seek counsel: This should be counsel with elders or leaders that you know you can trust. Never use “seeking counsel” as a rouge to gossip, and do not go to mutual friends or people that you are really trying to win over to your side of the argument. All of these things have pride behind it, and it will blow up in you face for sure.
- Try to confront in person and pick the right time: Never confront a person in front of others or at a time when they are stressed out or obviously in a hurry.
- Make sure that your heart is right before God: If your motive is to get your pride restored or to make someone apologize and see things your way, you are setting yourself up for failure. There is only one motive that will cause the other person to respond favorably and that is the motive of Reconciliation. Come to the table with the restoration of the relationship in mind and you will not have to deal with your own ego and pride when things get heated. You will remain clam and look for solutions.
- Never attack the other person’s character or humiliate her in any way: This is not Godly behavior, and will bring you no where. She will just get angry or shut down and leave. Always speak in a loving an respectful tone. Anybody will be more receptive of the truth if they hear it in a non judgmental, loving way.
- Listen to what the other person have to say: As a peace maker you have to have a humble heart and be open to the possibility that you might have been wrong in your perception of things, so have an open mind and don’t listen half-heartedly while you are already loading your own “guns” to attack.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 4
Take responsibility for YOU
Dearest woman of God, it is time to be true to yourself
Believe me I know why you put others first.
It’s a women thing really: We are born care takers, God made us that way you know.
We don’t mean to lie to ourselves, we just get so swept up in the roll of care taker that we lose all balance:
- We overdo it
- We forget that we’re only human
- We want to be everything for everybody
- We forget to refuel
- We hate to ask for help
- We don’t know how to receive tender, loving care without feeling guilty
- We forsake ourselves and betray our own opinions and preferences to please others
- We forget who we are and the dreams we had, and this actually makes us only half the mother or wife we can be
- Many women were raised to exclusively become caretakers who always put everyone else ‘s needs above their own
- Maybe, like me, you even rebelled against this as a teenager, but once you became a mom and saw all the super moms around you, it was over, you joined the club of selfless caregivers who always smile and never complain
Does your picture of the “perfect” Proverbs 31 woman look like mine did? An amazing, selfless creature who lives only to serve her husband and brood!
No wonder we feel guilty if we…
- take some time for ourselves
- lock the bathroom door, put music on and refuse to answer anybody
- go out for a good laugh with a few girl friends
- spend some money on ourselves for a change
- refuse to give our kids our undivided, unconditional attention 24/7
I believe that the woman God painted for us in Proverbs 31 was such a dynamic, inspiring woman because she first took care of herself. She probably knew who she was, she made time for her God, she took time to pursue her hobbies, to listen to music, to plant something, and laugh with some girl friends. I believe that we can all be Proverbs 31 women if we would first nurture ourselves.
If you start to be truthful to yourself, you might just hear the Holy Spirit whisper: Come away with me dear daughter of the King, you need to get some beauty sleep
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 5
Face your fears
Please Remember this about Fear:
2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
Satan works with fear. If he can get us to fear something, we are trapped by our own fear and we can not move to freedom.
One of the reasons we hesitate to put up boundaries or be truthful is FEAR
We fear:
- Rejection
- Loneliness if rejected
- The other person’s anger and animosity
- Guilt and shame
- Loosing the “Perfect Me”
- Physical or verbal abuse
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IMPORTANT: If you feel that you will be in physical danger or will suffer any form of abuse if you put up boundaries or tell someone the truth about your needs, then please refrain from doing so until you are safe. Please get in contact with your Pastor, a counselor, a social worker or any person in authority that can get you to a safe place. You need to be able to express your feelings and set up boundaries, but you first need to makes sure that you and your children are safe. There are shelters and hotlines for women and children who are abused (unfortunately not nearly enough) However, please look it up on Google, even if you are in a different country than the USA, you will find similar hotlines and shelters in your area. Website for National Domestic Violence (USA): http://www.thehotline.org/ National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA):
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If you are in no physical danger or there is no real possibility of mental or physical abuse if you were to start putting up boundaries today, then the only thing that is holding you back is FEAR.
There are many Scriptures in the Bible that refute fear and I want to encourage you to write them down and to stand against fear in Jesus Name.
Here are a few verses to get you started:
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.
(NKJV)
Joshua 1:3-9
I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you … No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
(NLT)
1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.
(NIV)
Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
(NKJV)
Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
(NIV)
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(NIV)
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
(NIV)
Isaiah 54:4
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
(NKJV)
Matthew 10:26
Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known.
(NKJV)
Matthew 10:28
And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
(NKJV)
Romans 8:15
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
(KJV)
1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
(NIV)
2 Corinthians 4:7-11
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
(NIV)
Philippians 1:12-14
Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.
(NIV)
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
(NLT)
Hebrews 13:5-6
For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”
(NKJV)
1 Peter 3:13-14
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.”
(NIV)
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
(NIV)
There is of course a chance that you will be rejected, that someone will get angry, or that you will be attacked by the enemy with guilt and shame for putting up boundaries. During these times you want to stay close to God and people who can support you.
So I will advise you to get some counsel from a pastor, your spouse, a friend, or a counselor before you act.
First practice setting a boundary with someone you can trust and take it from there. You will need all the support you can get if you think that a person in your life might respond with anger. Even if they will not abuse you, you might still need moral support to stand your ground and not simply back off if you feel rejected or if they give you silent treatment.
Please know that I don’t say any of these things lightly. I am aware that there are ladies out there who will have to fight for their FREEDOM.
But I also know that weak or non-existent boundaries will keep your eating disorder in place year after year. If you want to be free you have to become someone who tells the truth. If you are a victim of abuse you especially need to tell someone the truth.
Please opt for the TRUTH – It might be the hardest thing you ever did – but it can be the beginning of freedom and a new day for you!
I will be praying for you this Week
I will pray that Truth will fill your heart and your life – The kind of Truth that can set you free!
John 8:32 (AMP)
And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
Scripture quotations are from the following versions with corresponding abbreviations:
AMP= THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, EXPANDED EDITION. Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Words in brackets [ ] and parentheses ( ) are those of The Amplified Bible translators, not the author.
NIV= Holy Bible,NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright © 1973, 1978 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
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