Dearest woman of God,

I’m sure you know the drill by now:) Please check off the areas that we previously dealt with, in order for you to get an idea of how you’re doing.

If you have not made any progress in this area it might be a good idea to ask for some prayer by sending me an email or posting on our Members Forum. You might also look into some counseling, or support from a friend or pastor to speed up your healing.

• Did you make some time to start thinking and praying about your relationship with you dad?
• Have you reached out to a counselor or pastor to help you in this area, if necessary?
• Did you find areas where you still harbor unforgiveness towards you dad?
• Have you grieved the loss of a father and the void it left in your life?
• Have you made some note cards and started refuting the enemy’s lies that he planted in these hurtful places with God’s truth?
• Have you taken steps (even baby steps are good) to build relationship with your Everlasting Father?

In a Healthy, functioning family the parents realize early on that they have to be flexible in their parenting.

• These parents use their authority to guide, socialize, and educate their kids in a firm but loving way.

• These parents also sense their children’s growing need for independence and encourage them to make age appropriate decisions for themselves.

• This freedom, inside the safety of the parents’ guidance, gives the children self confidence in the outside world

Parents who are too lenient, forfeit their God given authority to guide, socialize, and educate their children; leaving their kids neglected and without direction in life. Children who don’t experience the safety of rules and boundaries feel unloved and rejected by their parents (even though the parent might be trying to show love through letting the child have her way all the time)

These parents prefer to be friends with their children, and they strive to look and act “cool”

The result: This child will most likely have a low self esteem, and go through life seemingly without purpose or direction. A lack of responsibility and respect for authority can get her into a lot of trouble. She will most likely have relationships with guys that are not very reliable. So even though she fears rejection, she keeps on setting herself up for it by dating a guy who can not be trusted.

Possible outlet for fear of abandonment: Eating Disorder

Parents who are too rigid are usually controlling and overprotective. They don’t encourage their children to forge their own sense of self, but keep the kids enmeshed with the parent’s own identity and ideas.

These parents my stay in the parent role way into the child’s adult life.

The result: An adult with no sense of self and no ability to make decisions. She might end up marrying a controlling man who can make decisions for her. Although she hates the control and often fight it, she don’t really know who she is without it.

Possible method to gain some control: Eating Disorder

Parents who abuse their role by directly harming their children through mental, physical, or sexual abuse destroy their children’s sense of boundaries at an early age, leaving them unable to tell people what they need and especially what they don’t want. They have been robbed from their NO.

Also under this category: Emotional incest, where a parent dumps information and feelings on a child or depend on the child for support instead of getting this from a spouse or a friend. This is a form of abuse which over-step the child’s boundaries and affect her in later life. This occurs lots of time where the parent goes through marital or personal problems or where the parent is sick or abused. They would usually (and many times unintentionally) turn to the oldest or “strongest” child.

The result: An adult who can not say no and let people walk all over her boundaries without even trying to stop them. It is very possible that she would even still try and please her abusive parent at this point because of the toxic bond that they share. She has never been able to cut this unhealthy tie due to a lack of personal boundaries. She may also find herself in a vicious cycle of abusive relationships.

Possible method to drown the pain and gain some protection: Eating Disorder

Healthy boundaries help you find the balance between “holding close and letting go”

Women who have been smothered with love, and given leeway to do whatever they wanted to do as children, feel neglected and lonely. They were never given the guidance and discipline that help them put boundaries on themselves.

It affect their relationships: They might be clingy, extremely jealous, and possessive of their husbands, children and friends. The fear of being ignored or being rejected drive them daily to please others or smother them with love.

This constant fear of rejection finds an outlet – Eating Disorders

Healthy boundaries help you find the balance between “my responsibility and someone else’s responsibility”

Women who have been given too much responsibility at a young age or given too much emotional information about their parents’ problems, called emotional incest, could feel overly responsible for everyone.

It affects their current relationships: They tend to make other people’s problems their own, counsel and give advice all the time and feel responsible for others’ decisions and mistakes. They carry the whole world’s sorrows and problems on their shoulders. They are most likely still taking care of their parents’ problems on top of all their own responsibilities.

The huge amounts of stress and anxiety finds an outlet – Eating Disorders
Food is used to calm nerves and help them “forget” their tons of responsibilities, if only for a moment.

Healthy Boundaries help you find the balance between “freedom and control”

Women who grew up in a home where they were controlled with an iron fist, never forged a sense of self and stayed enmeshed with the parent’s identity.

It affects their current relationships: They remain in a place where other’s have to make decisions for them. They are afraid of conflict and giving their own opinion. They never really found out who they were and struggle with their self image.

All the insecurities finds an outlet – Eating Disorders
People sometimes use anorexia as a form of control when they feel they have no control in any other area of their lives

Healthy Boundaries help you find the balance between “saying NO and saying YES”

People who have been abused by their parents have been robbed from their boundaries and sense of self.

It affect their current relationships: They feel ashamed and afraid and tend to isolate themselves from healthy people and thus healthy relationships.
They learned at an early age that they don’t have any say in their own lives and that their NO doesn’t mean anything, so they never honor their internal boundaries and never teach others to respect their boundaries.
The few people they do let into their lives are usually broken themselves and tend to further abuse them.

All this pain and abuse need an outlet – Eating Disorders
Women with Binge Eating Disorder sometimes use weight gain to “shield” them against further abuse.
Sometimes women who have been abused use Bulimia to “cleanse” themselves over and over from the “filth”.