Week 8 C
Guidelines and Assignments for you
For best results:
Do these assignments on the last 5 days of Week 7 after you’ve read through the material in section A and B
DAY 1
Let’s look back together
Let’s do the same thing we did with our moms.
However, you might note a difference: You might find it hard to think about good things to say about your dad. Girls tend to associate more with their moms and be more protective of Mom (not Dad so much).
So please ask God to help you remember the good things about your dad as well. This is part of healing for you; looking at the truth which includes both the good and the bad.
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IMPORTANT:
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Please start by answering these questions in your journal.
Don’t rush it. You might not be sure about some of the answers right now, so take the rest of this week, or as long as you need to think and pray about it.
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Ask the Holy Spirit to help you discover truths about the pain in your past, and the lies that kept that pain alive. When you feel Him stir something in your heart, please don’t ignore it, try and find some time alone to talk it through with your Heavenly Father. 1. List some things about your dad which you are grateful for. Thank God for those things, others have grow up without a mother or didn’t have any positive experiences. 2. Now list the things between you and your dad that you regret or that you wish could be different. Talk to God about these and be honest with Him about where you’re at in the process of forgiveness and letting it go. 3. Think about your relationship with your dad when you were a little girl. Did you get any negative messages about your body or your eating habits? 4. Describe your relationship with your dad today. 5. Have you tried to live up to your dad’s expectations or to change yourself so that he will except you? 6. Have you tried to be the perfect daughter, performing in the areas that might attract his attention, regardless if you like it or not? 7. Do you feel angry with your dad? Have you ever been able to tell him how you feel? 8. Do you think that you’ve honored your Dad? Is it possible that you have picked up on someone else’s negative feelings about your dad, without really checking your own? 9. Are you holding grudges against your dad? 10. Do you suffer from a broken heart due to your dad’s actions? 11. Did you feel that your dad abandoned you when you were a kid? How did this impact your life? 12. Was your dad always preoccupied with work or other activities? Did he ever make time to built a relationship with you? 13. Did your dad ever reach out to you emotionally or did you get the message that he can not relate to or handle “feelings”? 14. Did you have a controlling dad who left no room for any open discussion or opinions? Do you feel that your eating disorder gives you some control over your own life? 15. Did your dad only accept the “good” part or the of your personality or the part that is the most important according to him? Did that leave you trying to always be the perfect daughter? 16. Did your dad ever tell you that you have value regardless of your performance or appearance? Or did he put a huge emphasis on these things, making you believe the lie that your value depends on that? 17. Have you been unable to say no to your dad out of fear of his anger? Have you been unable to maintain any boundaries with him? 18. Did you always try and please your dad? Do you feel responsible for your dad’s well being and happiness? 19. Did your dad judge others on their appearance, and did you feel he struggled with prejudice in this area? 20. Do you depend on your dad to hear from God, or to help you with decisions even now that you are an adult?
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Please reach out for help if this is too overwhelming for you
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 2
Forgive your Dad
The same truth applies: We have to forgive our Dads if we want to break free from eating disorders.
PLEASE NOTE: Some of this material is the same as last week. Please read over these again. It is so important that you forgive: I can not say this enough.
PLEASE REMEMBER: You do not forgive for you perpetrator’s sake. Please read again why we forgive:
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We need to forgive, not to let our perpetrator off the hook, but for the following reasons:
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2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (NIV)
If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
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I repent of any sin in my life that might GRIEVE you HOLY SPIRIT
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you – Ephesians 4:30-32 (AMP)
Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins |
Please take a moment today, tomorrow and every other day that you may need to come before God with this person that you can not yet forgive. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you forgive. God says that we should forgive as He forgives – it’s a supernatural thing!
I believe that it is not possible for you to forgive in your own flesh, but the Holy Spirit lives in you and I know He wants to help you forgive, so that you can be free from this stronghold in your life, forever.
3 Extra Points that could help you in the process of forgiving your Dad:
One
Because we as women are sensitive and can more relate to our mother’s side of the story, we tend to sometimes throw out the baby with the bathwater. Please note that I am not referring to instances where there were emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
I am talking about things in a Father’s behavior that affected both his wife and daughter over a period of time. These things can be very hurtful, but they can also cause us to so side with our moms that we never make up our own minds about our Dads. It can also cause us to miss all the positive things about him. If this is true for you, it might be good to write a letter to you Dad where you only thank him. Think about all the good things you can say to Him. You might be surprised.
Two
Getting to know God as you Father will help you in the process of forgiving your earthly father.
Once you realize that God can fill the emptiness inside you, you might be able to let go of the expectations you put on your dad.
These expectations can keep you in bondage, because every time you see your dad, you hope that he will affirm or love you, and every time he doesn’t you are shattered again and your pain and resentment deepens.
Three
Try and find out more about your Dad’s background and childhood. It does not condone his sinful behavior in any way, but it can give you a little more understanding, and help you to forgive, for your sake.
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 3
Grieve the loss of a Daddy
There are a lot of things to grieve when it comes to your relationship with your Dad.
You might have seen some of your friend’s dads take them to a movie, play with them, coach their soccer team, or just give them hugs.
You might have felt a lump in your throat when someone talks about their Daddy, knowing that you never called your father that, or you never had anyone to call Daddy.
You are not silly for feeling this way. If one of our parents were missing in our lives it leaves a gaping hole and we tend to always feel tender in that area. If your Dad is the one who left or rejected you, you may take this very personal, thinking that you did something to contribute to him not wanting his family any more. Also, when a Dad abuses his daughter, she might feel shame and guilt, convincing herself that she somehow deserved it, or that she must have done something to provoke such sinful behavior towards her. These lies don’t make any sense to an outsider, yet to a young impressionable girl the difference between truth and lies might not be so clear.
It is important for you to go through the steps of grief. Maybe you, like me, started off by denying how these things affected you. Maybe you just feel numb towards your dad and have to first break through the crust of denial. Once it breaks you might feel floods of anger and pain. Let it all out, cry if you need to, talk to someone, get all of the anger and hurt out of your system. It is worth crying about, it is something you needed and was deprived of.
You might even feel depressed about this, or go back and forth between anger, sadness, and telling yourself that it wasn’t all that bad. All of this is normal. Take your time, deal with the memories as they come up and then start to release them to God. Ask him to help you forgive your dad so that you can get to a place of acceptance and peace.
It is never easy to revisit the pain, but this can radically change the way you see yourself and help you get free from eating disorders.
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Remember:
We don’t want to keep revisiting this pain. We want to go there for the last time to uproot the lies we believed as little girls and replace it with the truth of God’s word. |
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 4
The truth about You: The Daughter of the King
Let’s refute some more lies that keep you in bondage. Would you please make the appropriate note cards for you specific situation:
The BIG FAT LIE
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THE LIE:
THE TRUTH: |
If Dad left
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THE LIE:
THE TRUTH: Galatians 1:10 (AMP) |
If Dad was emotionally distant
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THE LIE: THE TRUTH: Listen to what Jesus said to the women at the well who had 5 husbands and were now staying with a man in John 4:10 (APM): |
If Dad was abusive
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THE LIE: THE TRUTH: Mark 9:42 (AMP) |
Please look up these truths about you in the Bible:
This is your real identity. Please write it in your journal or put it up somewhere we you can see it daily.
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING
1. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
2. I am regarded with numerous precious thoughts (Ps 40:5, Ps 139:17)
3. I am loved (John 3:16 , 17:23)
4. I am more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37)
5. I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:20)
6. I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)
7. I am chosen (John 15:16, 1 Peter 2:9)
8. I am royalty (1 Pet 2:9)
9. I am holy (1 Pet 2:9)
10. I am His own special daughter (1 Pet 2:9)
11. I am a child of God (1 Peter 2:10)
12. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength(Phil 4:13)
PLEASE STOP! DON’T GO ANY FURTHER TODAY!
To get the most out of this course, please apply it to your life in the bite-size pieces that I recommend. Take AS LONG AS YOU NEED, but be sure to take at least ONE DAY.
DAY 5
How do you fill the emptiness?
The only way to fill the emptiness your dad left in your life, is to accept the love of your Everlasting Father.
God is the perfect Father.
If we were abused, rejected or hurt it might not be so easy for us to accept or even understand this.
I believe this is why God gave us a love letter: the Bible.
In His Word we discover the character of our true Father. We learn that He created us, He knows our purpose, and He will never leave us nor forsake us.
How do you get to know God as your everlasting Father?
READ THE WORD OF GOD
If you didn’t get a Bible study yet, I would strongly recommend it.
See my list of recommended Bible studies. Just make sure it is written by someone that “speaks your language” because this can make the Word come alive to you in a wonderful way.
I believe that God has anointed certain writers to guide us through His Word in a new and living way, according to the times we live in.
So get to know your Everlasting Father through his letter (the Bible) to you.
The more you read the Word, the more your respect and love for God will grow.
You will build an image of what a real Father should look like, act like and be like.
JUST TALK TO GOD
God created us to have communion with us. He says over and over in the Word that he is our Father and he wants to spend time with us.
Just talk to Him.
It might feel weird at first, but just imagine the best, most compassionate Father, waiting for you to talk to Him:
You have his undivided attention and nothing you could say could ever make Him love you less.
He will not get angry or interrupt you.
He will not get bored or be rude to you.
He will not humiliate or discourage you.
He will listen, and yes he will speak to you.
The depth of your sorrow, your pain or your addiction will not overwhelm him or scare him off.
He will not turn away from your raw emotion or feel uncomfortable with you sensitive feminine side.
He made you, he knows how you work, he knows what you need and he knows that you sometimes just need for Him to listen.
WAIT AND LISTEN
If you get still before Him, you will hear him speak to your spirit and your mind.
At first you will not be sure if it is not just your own thoughts, but as you communicate more with Him you will get to know His voice so well.
He will also speak to you through his Word and through other people.
Learn to wait in His presence. In His presence you will be changed.
There is nothing that changes us like a Word directly from God. People can try and tell you something for years, but when you hear it from God, you finally get it.
In His presence you will experience the greatest joy and your strength will be renewed!
LISTEN TO OTHERS
Listen to messages about the Father’s love for you.
Learn more about the Father’s heart and who the Word says He is.
Other people studied God the Father in detail and did research on this, listen to what they can teach you about your Heavenly Father, just be sure to always check it against the Bible.
Look for some books to read about people who really knows the heart of the Father and can guide you into building your own relationship with Him.
NOTE WHAT GOD HAS DONE IN YOUR LIFE
Think about your life. How many times have you been blessed, saved, helped, protected, delivered, healed, and loved by God? How many times did he come through for you?
James 1:17 says:
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
More about God the Father:
He is the perfect parent: Did you know that God has all the qualities in Him that we need from both our mother and father?
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Have a look at these verses where God’s love is compared to that of the tender compassion of a Mother: Isaiah 49:15 Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! Isaiah 66:13 As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you . . . Isaiah 66:12 For thus says the Lord, ‘ . . . you shall be nursed, you shall be carried on her hip, and be trotted on her [God’s maternal] knees . . .’ Matthew 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing |
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He is also the perfect Father:
Psalms 36:7 How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. 2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of son ship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father’ This word Abba, which is used to describe the father heart of God, translates as Daddy, a tender word used by little children, implicating the tender heart of God the Father and it evokes the feelings of intimacy and security.
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He is the perfect Husband: Isaiah 62:5 . . . as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. Isaiah 54:4 “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. (5) For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. (6) The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. (7) “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” He provides for you: He says that you should not be anxious about tomorrow because he will provide. Matthew 7:11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! |
He is always waiting for you: Like the father or the prodigal son, He is looking and waiting for you to return to His loving embrace, even though you failed miserably.
He knows everything about you: He counted the hair on your head.
He is ever present: He sees everything that’s been done to you and that you do.
He fights for you: He says that He will fight for you, in fact, Has already slain you worst enemy.
He has compassion on you: He wants to shelter you under his wing. He cares about your emotions. You can cry on your Father’s shoulder and he will comfort you and lead you through dark times. He will keep you safely in his hands while you grieve and heal.
Read Psalms 23
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IMPORTANT: Please get away from the faulty thinking that God is just like your earthly dad. Have a look at these verses: Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? 1 Samuel 15:29 He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind |
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The truth: God is everything you ever needed your dad to be, and everything your earthly father lacked can be found in God. |
Would you please spend some time in prayer today.
Ask God to help you forgive your dad, and show you how to turn your love, your needs, your expectations, your dreams and your devotion over to your Everlasting Father.
I am really proud of you for getting through these two weeks. We still have important things ahead of us, but these two weeks were loaded with very personal and emotional issues.
Thank you God for helping my friend!
Scripture quotations are from the following versions with corresponding abbreviations:
AMP = THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, EXPANDED EDITION.
Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Words in brackets [ ] and parentheses ( ) are those of The Amplified Bible translators, not the author.
NIV = NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION.
Copyright © 1973, 1978 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
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